Sunday, January 30, 2005

Terry and the Pirate

Hey y'all, I'm turning the blog over to Aquaman for this Sunday's entry. Why? I don't know, he's been a real crybaby lately and claims that he needs to write an entry. So, being the nice guy that I am, I'm letting him.

Thanks, assclown. Hey everyone, it's your old buddy AM kicking it new school. I haven't written about her since my first entry back in August, but the other day I got a call from my publicist Terry. She sounded pretty excited, so I was intrigued by what I thought was going to be good news.

"Aquaman, I'm so glad I caught you," she said.

"Hey Terry, baby, tell me you got me that cover on Field & Stream!"

"Uh, I'm still working on that AM. I've got a huge favor to ask you."

This was it, despite the fact that I'm married to that beached whale Mera, I've been wanting to drop anchor in Terry for a long time. The one thing that really blows is that she's been dating Black Vulcan for a while, but I think after I do this favor for her, she'll be bound to see what a great guy I am.

Look at this guy, does he deserve a babe like Terry?

Of course not, he deosn't even wear pants!

"Sure, baby, tell Aquaman all of your problems, I'll be able to help."

"Well, my aquarium needs cleaning, and I thought you might be able to do it."

What the fuck? Me? Aquaman, clean an aquarium? Does she remember the press release that she wrote about me stopping those starfish poachers? How about that time that me and a few zebra fish got that guy who was illegally trapping lobsters? Does she think that I can just do what ever she wants?

"Puuuuhhhhhhhh-lease, AM? That algae is scary."

"Why don't you get Black Vulcan to do it? That's more of a boyfriend job isn't it?"

"You know he can't go near the water, he'll electricute himself."

It's true, BV can't go near the wet stuff, it's literally been years since he took a shower, which gave me an idea.

"Sure, I'll be over in a jiff!"

By the time I got there, Black Vulcan was crashed out on the couch and the aquarium was on a table right behind him. I said hello to Terry and went to work. As I picked up the aquarium I began to think of the best way to dump the contents on Vulcan. Should I pretend to trip? How about I say that a bee was on my leg? Maybe I'll just throw it on him.

Just then I got a communication from an angel fish, she said if I dumped the water on Black Vulcan not only would the world lose a hero, but the fish would die too. For you see, fish need water to live. This was something I was unaware of and since I like fish more than I like people, I decided to let Black Vulcan live ... for now.

After I clean the aquarium, I said good bye to Terry and Black Vulcan. That bastard didn't know how close he came to getting the ultimate shocker.


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