Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm or I Just Want to be Popular Again



Sorry for the really hack-y title, but the other day I was thinking about C+C Music Factory—I apologize for letting you know about that too—and I was wondering where they all scattered. If you're not aware of “The Factory”, they were a group that had a bit of success in the early 1990s with dance hits like the aforementioned title of this Blog entry (the first part), “Make You Sweat” and there was another song whose title I can't remember, but the video was set in a factory where everyone danced and sweated.

Actually wondering is a bit of an exaggeration. I had a few brief thoughts about them and how at one point in my life this faceless band was as ubiquitous as Coca-Cola and then one day they were gone. And I never really gave them much thought after that. It got me thinking about the fickleness of popularity and how you can be at the top of your game, like C+C Music Factory and the next day you could be erased from the memories of the American public.

C+C Music Factory were about as big as any producer-driven, dance band could get. I'm pretty sure that their album was in the top ten (it peaked at number two, according to Wikipedia) and they had a bunch of singles that made it to the Top 10. Then the group got into a little bit of a problem when it turned out that the female lead singer (the model known as Zelma Davis) was lip-syncing the group's hooks. Turns out the real singer was someone by the name of Martha Wash who once sang Homer Simpson's favorite song (“It's Raining Men”) as a part of the duo the Weather Girls.

C+C (which stood for the first letters in producer's last names David Cole and Robert Cilvilles) decided that Wash didn't fit the right image of the Factory, so they hired this model to do the lip-syncing and everyone was pretty happy. Until Wash got pissed when she realized that the reason why she wasn't asked to be out front is because she was, well, uh, fat and Davis was not. In the wake of the Milli-Vanilli scandal, this was a big deal so they went to great lengths to let everyone know that while Wash sang the hooks, Davis visualized the vocals. This was even explained in the lower left-hand corner of the video when “Make You Sweat” aired on MTV.

The point of this entry was to lionize C+C Music Factory, it was to talk a bit about popularity. When C+C were at their apex, front man Freedom Williams* was on a lot of different shows sometimes by himself and sometimes with the group. He was on the Arsenio Hall Show, all over MTV, different awards shows and popped up on network TV shows. When on MTV, a lot of times he wasn't even on to discuss his music or dancing, it was to talk about other things.

* Not sure why he chose Freedom as his stage name, there was nothing overly patriotic or pro-American about the man. I don't think that he was from Philadelphia either. About the only thing that he seemed to want freedom from were his shirts, the guy was always walking around half naked. He was like a rapping Incredible Hulk.

MTV had a long-running “news” show called “Sex in the 90s” where they would interview kids, experts and celebrities about sex. Most of the times, the kids would say something generic (“All kids have sex in my school”) that would shock local parents. The experts were the reason why this was a “news program” and they would rattle off statistics or say something about AIDS and using a condom. These words, juxtaposed with what the youth of America said, would also shock parents even more.

But the celebrity part was usually the comedic element. Most celebrities would try to say something amusing (“There's nothing better than a bit of bump and grind, if you know what I mean!”) although there were a few “sage” celebrities that would try to give advice to the kids (“Always wear a condom!”) that was usually pretty obvious, but they tried to impart this wisdom with great gravity. A guy like Steven Tyler was the latter type of celebrity, while Freedom Williams was the former.

And that's what popularity gets you: people hanging on your every word. It allows you to go on television and talk about things that you don't have more knowledge about than the average person, but seem like an authority. Aside from knowing that he (presumably) enjoys sex, what does Freedom Williams know about the subject that most people didn't know when this show first aired? Probably nothing, but since he was semi-famous, somewhat popular and I assume had some free time in his schedule, MTV shoehorned him into their shooting schedule. And whatever he said (whether it made sense or not) made the final cut and was broadcast world-wide scores and scores of times.*

* I'm not even sure if Freedom Williams was on “Sex in the 90s”, I assume that he was but that isn't the point. The point is someone LIKE Freedom Williams (maybe one of the dudes from Trixter or Toni!Tony! Tone!) held people's attention because of their views on sex(or any other subject, really) when they didn't have any credentials other than their name. They're just regular people who know the same things that most Americans know. They just happen to dance better or play the drums more proficiently.

I think that's the most intoxicating thing about popularity. People genuinely care about what you have to say, even if you have nothing new to add to the conversation. While the money and the excesses are nice, the majority of people simply want a voice. They want to be heard and they want their opinion to matter. Even the most introspective, shy and withdrawn person wants to be validated. To be recognized above the din. And being popular gives you that voice and you can say whatever you want and be taken seriously.

Because their opinions matter when they're famous, most celebrities whose 15 minutes are up will do just about anything that they can to get back into the American consciousness. Even if it means completely degrading themselves by appearing on a celebrity reality show that are nothing more than glorified, televised car crashes. Aside from Ozzy Osborne, I can't think of one celebrity who has gone on a reality show and come out of the experience with more credibility or popularity than when they went in. And the reason why Osborne was able to make this transformation is because he (or, more accurately, his wife Sharon) created the template.

For many celebrities, they looked at Ozzy Osborne and thought that he was playing a role on his show. What they didn't realize is that the stage version, the public version of Ozzy Osborne was more of a character than the private Ozzy. The other celebrities saw what the show did for Ozzy's Q-ratings and attempted to do the same thing*. As a result each reality show became more and more scripted than a typical sitcom. This meant that each celebrity tried to play themselves as if it was a role which leads to the multiple personalities of the pubic celebrity, the “private” reality celebrity and the true private celebrity. And most viewers can see right through the charade of the first two personalities and are usually never privy to the third.

* Once it reached the level of its mondo-popularity, “The Osbornes” fell into the same trap too. What was so interesting about the first season of the show is that aside from Ozzy no one else in the family was famous nor did they seem to want any sort of fame. But once more and more accolades started rolling in, the family began to realize that the cameras were around and they began to put on their act. Eventually, the show was canceled and the family (minus Ozzy) has been chasing the dragon ever since. And yes, I know how wrong it is to use a heroin reference in regards to a family where most have spent a significant amount of time in rehab.

The strange thing about wanting to get back to being popular is that those who have fallen from the mountain, don't use the tools that got them back to the top. When an actor or a musician achieves popularity it's normally because they do something completely different or put a new spin on an old idea. When they fall from grace they start grasping at straws and try to jump on the latest trend, which is usually fading away.

Perhaps I'm giving celebrities way too much credit, maybe most of these celebrities only had one really good idea or just enough talent to matter for a brief period in time—there are literally millions of Americans who don't even get that far. And that's probably the crux of the issue, sustaining popularity, the never-ending process of trying to stay fresh and relevant never ends. And once it does, the real problem isn't spending their days in relative obscurity, it's that washed-up celebrities have been to the mountain top and they will continue to try and get there.

And after they've been spit out of Hollywood and there isn't anyone around to take their calls, most of these celebrities returned from where they came. Every few months a car dealership will give them a call asking for them to sit at a card table and sign autographs or VH1 will send an email letting them know that they're doing a retrospective on the 80s and they need them to reminisce. And these people are happy—damn near overjoyed—to do so. Why? Because even if they are sitting at a card table in a brand new McDonalds in Backwater, North Dakota someone less famous than them is going to stand in front of them rapt in awe as the celebrity tells a story. They'll get a taste of that wonderful popularity back on their lips and though ultimately it will be fleeting, it will taste oh so good.

And no matter what you choose to call yourself, that's not freedom.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Two Guys Talking Tiger



Back in October I posted a piece called “Two Guys Email Review of 'Inglorious Basterds' “ with my friend Jamie. Today my friend Nick emailed me asking my thoughts on tomorrow's press conference where Tiger Woods addresses the media about his adultery for the first time.*

* I was getting a bite to eat earlier today and as I was driving to Burger King, I happened to hear the SportsHub's (Boston's new-ish sports radio station) mid-day anchor Gary Tanguay say that tomorrow's press conference is going to be as big as the moon landing. He went on to say that kids (yes, literal children) are going to huddled around the television set or “their iPhones” (direct quote) watching this press conference. Really? Are you fucking kidding me? Tiger Woods gets caught having sex—consensual, straight sex with an adult woman—and is going to apologize for it and this is bigger than MAN LANDING ON THE FUCKING MOON?

And he was absolutely, 100% , no-I-am-not-being-ironic, serious.


This is how Nick and I see it. And yes, I already wrote about this once before.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

So you interested to hear Tiger tomorrow?

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

No.

I have a feeling that I already know what he's going to say. It's not going to be from the heart or honest, it's something that his PR team is meticulously going over right now making sure that there isn't even a
chance that someone can misconstrue what he's saying. Like everything else about Tiger (except the recent troubles) it's going to be airtight.

I would be shocked if he took questions.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I am interested. But I think it will be a joke.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

Do you think that he's going to say anything of any substance?

And BTW, that last email wasn't an indictment against Tiger. I think that most athletes and celebrities don't say anything that hasn't be scrubbed over dozens and dozens of times by professionals. I think that's why when a famous person does say something that doesn't sound scripted we're all legitimately surprised.

Remember when Tom Cruise jumped up on Oprah's couch and told her how he loved Katie Holmes so much? It wasn't that it was a very strange action by a 40-year-old man who has been married twice before, but it was all so obviously choreographed. I mean, I can pretty much remember the exact moment where I figured out that I loved Aly and had a natural outburst of joy. It wasn't something that I could replicate ever again, it was an epiphany.

I doubt that Cruise was sitting on the couch with Oprah, in front of millions of people and just then realized that he was in love with Katie Holmes. It's all fake and these people think that we're morons and will buy anything (which is true for amount of the population) but it's all so insulting to everyone involved.

Tiger knows that he's full of crap, the reporters know that he's full of crap and we know that he's full of crap. But we all just play along and on Sunday's SportsReporters (among other shows) people are going to parse each and every word like he's speaking from the heart. It's a complete sham.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I agree. I would like to think of I was ever famous I would just speak my mind and be honest. Be real.

Sadly I still will cheer for Tiger when he plays. Guess that's not a good thing.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

You wouldn't be able to. The problem with athletes, celebrities, etc is that they're essentially small companies. You know how Coca-Cola doesn't really publicly comment on stuff that doesn't concern them, famous people follow that line too. And like Coke, celebrities have to worry about the public not "buying" what they're selling--which is themselves.

If you give people enough reasons not to see you in a movie, buy your music, etc eventually they're going to take it. And obviously that lessens your net worth and suddenly you tooling around in a Honda and hoping to get picked for Celebrity Apprentice.

It's best to try and be all things to all people and not worry about the small percentage of the population who don't like you because you aren't "real". The strange thing is that works against you in subgenres of music and entertainment like hip-hop, rock, independent movies, etc. but that's a different topic for a different day.

Why isn't it a good thing to cheer for Tiger when he's on the golf course? Just because he cheated on his wife? How does that effect his game or your joy of watching it? To me, the only thing that his cheating has interfered with is if someone was a huge fan of celebrity marriages. On Thanksgiving I didn't care about Tiger's marriage and I don't care now. I just want to see him crush a golf ball.

BTW, I'm really interested in hearing your opinion because I don't care about this story at all and feel like I'm missing something.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

Good point. I think once you become famous you give up your freedom to speak your mind. Especially if it could effect your bottom line. I think your better off just flying under radar.

I'm interested in the story probably because it is such a train wreck. I NEVER believe celebrities are perfect. They live in a world we will never understand. And I think in the majority of the cases they are not faithful and their "marriage" is not real. So the fact that Tiger cheated doesn't surprise or disappoint. I think my interest stems from the fact that it's SO out of control.

That being said. I will continue to cheer for him as a golfer because he is one of the best ever. His off the course antics doesn't bother me.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I was interested because I know that you were such a big fan of the 90s Cowboys and they were such a debauched group of individuals, I wanted to hear how you balanced the two.

And you're right, it is so out-of-control, which is really the main story here. Tiger Woods fires people because they breathe too loud in front of the press. Any chink in his armor is immediately covered up and brushed aside. He has 95% of the sports media in his hip pocket and most of the fans*.

* Do you know anyone who hates Tiger Woods? I mean, really hates Tiger Woods. Unless they're just being a contrarian or a jerk, most sports fans love Tiger Woods, which in itself is strange because we're so programmed to root for the underdog. And Tiger Woods is in our face constantly, you'd think that before this there would be a backlash, but there wasn't. Everyone loves the guy.

Where was I? Oh yeah, this is the first time that he's lost control or people have been able to peek behind the curtain and see that Tiger really isn't as bright and calculating as we originally thought. He's an idiot around women, just like we are. In a weird way, I wouldn't be surprised if this situation humanized him a bit more.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I think I was a lot younger and kinda caught up in loving the Cowboys. But I have always avoided calling ballplayers role models or putting them on some pedestals. I would say the majority are screwing around etc.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I agree with that assessment.

Why do you think that it matters to people whether or not an athlete screws around? Isn't it immaterial to his performance on the court? Why do athletes and actors have to be model citizens as well as excellent at their crafts?

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I think because people feel like they know these people on a personal level. So they act as if they have some type of bond or something in common. So when they go out and act in a way they can't relate to they feel like they were betrayed.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I can buy that. Good observation.

And that's really the crux of the issue isn't: people feel betrayed because they think that they know these people, when in actuality they have no idea who they are what makes them tick. We see a dude like Dustin Pedroia for three hours a night 175+ nights a year and we think that we know how he is or in the very least we think that we know what he's like.

I can guarantee you that what we are "so sure" of what we know about Dustin Pedroia or whomever isn't reality at all. And when we find out about our reality, we're pretty bitter and distraught about it and that manifests into knocking a celebrity down a peg. I keep going back to it being strange that we are so fascinated by the private lives of public strangers.

BTW, I was thinking of using our exchange on my Blog. You ok with that?

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

Sure. Use away!

You and I should be given a radio talk show. We would rock.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Meditations on a Life Spent Slacking



From college until pretty much the time that I got married, I was a slacker. Most of my friends were slackers and most of the pop-culture that I absorbed was from a slacker-based perspective*. I don't think that it was entirely wrong to laze about for a good portion of a decade and a half, because that was essentially who I was. But, I'm not sure it was the absolute best choice that I could have made at the time either. I think that the time period that I slacked through life was the perfect era to be a slacker because it was a bit more culturally tolerated.

* I still am very keen on slacker-based pop culture, which is basically stuff from the mid-90s. For some reason, no other decade really tolerated and celebrated the slacker lifestyle as much as the 90s did. The one thing that I understand is the inherent hypocrisy that permeates from this cultural oeuvre. I intend to get more into this as this Blog rolls along.

Another trait that I have is that I am a chronic second-guesser and overly nostalgic*, so it was really no surprise today that I was thinking back on my slacking days with a degree of warmth and also one of wasted opportunity. This stirring of nostalgia was stirred up primarily because I've been rereading Chuck Klosterman's “Fargo Rock City” which is the perfect combination of who I was when he wrote it (20-something, living on my own) and what he wrote about (a kid who liked metal back in the day).

* First off, every other paragraph in this entry is not going to be referenced and explained by a footnote, but I felt like I had to expand a bit on this statement. When I say that I'm overly nostalgic, I don't mean that I wish that I was not living the life I am presently leading. Far from the truth, considering that I can remember romanticizing about the past during the periods that I am currently romanticizing about.

For example, in high school I would fondly remember the feeling of being sheltered in elementary school, especially when a test or major project was due. Not that I wanted to go back there, but there was a certain feeling of warmth and naivety that I didn't (nor could I ) have while I was a teenager. When I was in college, there were times when I waxed about being in high school. And when I got out of college, I thought that it would be awesome to relive those “carefree” days.

Every time I move on to a new place in life, I look back fondly on the one that just took place. And I am completely aware that what I'm doing is complete bullshit, but it's still something that I do. From the time you're born to the day you die, every person is saddled with problems. Looking back on those problems, they don't seem so bad especially when compared to the problems that you have today. But they were still problems that stressed you out.


ANYWAY, when I think back to the early part of the 90s there was a movement in the culture that needed to be rectified. The 80s excesses—symbolized by Michael Douglas' “Greed is good” phrase from the Oliver Stone movie “Wall Street”—had bled into a new decade. However, all was not right with the country and this line wasn't really holding up any more. There was the Persian Gulf War I, the AIDS epidemic and a recession, suddenly watching metal bands and hip-hop acts live the glamor lifestyle seemed sort of stupid, pointless and most of all it pissed people off. No one had the money to buy Dom Perignon, audacious genie pants and have random sex with models. The pendulum was beginning to swing the other way.

That's when musicians grabbed a t-shirt and flannel, rappers dressed down or were clad in black. There was a general feeling of “fuck it” in the air. Artists wanted to express themselves, but didn't want to entertain. The overall mood was, “If you like it, cool. If you don't, whatever.” And that last word, “whatever” was the generation's overall new philosophy.

You notice that I'm only really focusing on the music because that is usually the harbinger of popular culture. Movies and television don't usually arrive on that cultural wave until later and when they do, that particular wave has crested or is on the verge of breaking. And with movies, it's usually the smaller films that understand the day's fads. Cameron Crowe's “Singles” got the whole grunge-Gen X thing way better than “Reality Bites” ever could. “Reality Bites” seemed to be too calculating and too slick to be taken seriously, it desperately wanted to be “Singles” but fell short. Another example is John Singleton's “Boyz in the Hood” which brought home the plight of the urban 20-something to the masses (read white audience) more than any other black film released after that could.

As 1992 took shape, many of us took the obnoxious clothes that we wearing (the Zubaz or Z. Cavarrici pants) and threw them in the back of the closet and found our worn out jeans, flannel shirts and t-shirts. It was fashionable to look like you didn't give a shit. And for the next four or five years, that's how it stayed.

Ultimately people got bored with being depressed.

Once Bill Clinton was elected president and had enough time to turn the country around and people began to prosper again, did young America's mood change. A lot were sick of dressing like slobs, listening to depressing songs and not having sex. Almost over night, the culture seemed to change and excess was back. P. Diddy and Ma$e were waving their Rolexes from side to side, bands like Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit were trying to rekindle the early 80s debauched styles of Motley Crue and Van Halen. In 1998, journalists were trumpeting that Glam rock was making a comeback (though it ultimately never did, except for Marilyn Manson's “Mechanical Animals” which most of his fans didn't like too much—but is the only Manson CD that I own).

But I was among a group of people that didn't change. I was stuck in my slacker ways and the atrophy was my security blanket. Anything that took an honest-to-God effort was pushed away. At the time I wasn't seriously dating anyone, but I was hooking up when I could. While other, more motivated colleagues were making a killing in the first dot com boom, I was working a 9-5 fund accounting job that I absolutely hated (I spent more time perfecting the art of sleeping at my desk and trying to come up with the layouts of new golf courses than figuring out how to be a better employee). When I did get a job that I liked (reporting) I worked hard, but I wasn't super motivated and the pay sucked.

For recreation, most weekends my friends and I would hit a bar, get shitfaced and come home. Or we'd get a case of beer and watch TV or play Sega Genesis. Even my favorite movies at the time were about unmotivated slackers: “Office Space”, “Swingers”, “Clerks”, “Mallrats”, “Boogie Nights”, “Dazed and Confused” any Tarantino flick. All of these movies were about people who float through life where things happen to them. They're protagonists in the sense that they just happen to be the vessel that encounters the rough seas of life's storm.

And to me, that was a great way to live your life.

I never knew how rudderless my 20s were going to be. When I was younger, I thought that I'd have things all figured out and I would have a pretty good map of where I was heading. I spent a good portion of my 20s half-heartedly trying to find that magical map and I would get frustrated because I never could seem to figure out where it was hidden.

An era of uncertainty is romanticized after much time has passed. When you're young, poor and living this type of life day-to-day, it's not paradise. There were many days I'd bring sandwiches to work that I wouldn't even think about eating now. The cold winter months after I quit my fund accounting job and sat around a quiet apartment with nothing to do but watch “Mannix” reruns and wonder if I'll ever get a job just sucked. But there are times where I look back with fond remembrances of that past.

I shouldn't. I spent an awful lot of time doing nothing and now that I don't have that free time, I wish that I had done things differently.

When I worked at the paper, I was friends with a guy named Tom Abrams who was a few years younger than me. He told me that the summer after he graduated college, he packed up a back pack and bummed around Europe for a few months by himself. I have always wanted to do that, but never had the stones to do so. The summer after I graduated I delivered pizzas and laid around in my parents' swimming pool.

To be honest, it was a great summer as I had a kick-ass tan and had zero responsibilities, but following that summer I wish that I had gone to Europe and had that experience. Even if it was by myself. I wish that I had run with the bulls in Pamplona, seen the Louvre, gone to Amsterdam and Rome and Prague and Athens. It angers me that I spent my time ringing door bells and handing idiots pizzas. I wasted a prime opportunity because I was too lazy or too afraid to do anything.

And I'm not trying to blame the slacker culture for not being a self-starter because that's not my point. There are literally thousands of self-described slackers who have become big stars while it looked like they were sitting around doing nothing. Comedians like David Cross, Patton Oswalt and Brian Posehn or directors like Richard Linklater, Kevin SMith and Quentin Tarantino, writers like Bill Simmons and Chuck Klosterman make it seem like they spent all day on the couch, but they had to be self-motivators to get to where they are. Constant writing and performing, the ability to move from one city to another to get to the level of where they want to be.

They spent a lot of time and hard work to achieve a position where they could spend a lot of time doing nothing. And that's the paradox that I never understood until later in life.

Note: I have no idea where the image I got for this post came from, I did a Google search for "Slackers" and aside from the incredibly late-90s movie, that picture came up.