Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Special guest night ...

About three days ago I got an email from a loyal 19 Thoughts reader:

Hey Byron,

How's it going? Things aren't going too bad down here. I was wondering if you
ever wanted to take a break from 19 Thoughts and let me write a few entries?

I can tell people all about my life and times, and maybe let you in on a few

Yours in Christ,


The first thing I thought of when I read that email was, "Wow, I didn't know Aquaman was a born again Christian? I thought he worshipped Neptune or Poseidon or someone. Interesting." Then I thought, it would be cool to have a full-fledged SuperFriend write for my blog, I mean who can claim that? And since 19 Thoughts doesn't discriminate against anyone, I wrote back, "You got a deal, fish face!"

Without out further adieu, I bring you Aquaman's blog:

Hi everybody, Aquaman here. It can get pretty lonely down at the bottom of the ocean with no one to talk to, no matter what anyone says fish make terrible conversationalists. All they do is talk about their near death experiences. Because of that, I wanted to thank Byron for letting me send a shout out to all of the air breathers.

There was a time when I looked just like the guy in the above picture: close-cropped blonde hair, chiseled jaw, orange and green costume. Those were the days when a hero didn't have more attitude than Gorilla Grod after a dozen frozen bananas. Now, thanks to guys like Wolverine and Batman, I have to look like a bad ass, at least that's what my publicist, Terry, says.

"AM, to get the good fights, you gotta look like a bad guy."

I protested, I told her about all of my features, and she just said, "Honey, that look left on a dinosaur with Pat Boone and Hugh Beaumont."

Crestfallen, I went to the Justice League and asked around. Green Arrow thought that I should grow a beard, he's got one and he says the chicks dig it. That dude gets a lot of tail, so you gots to listen to the master speak. Batman says that a scowl looks good, it makes you mysterious and Michael Keaton can play you in an upcoming movie. Wonder Woman thought that long hair works for her, and since she had me in a sleeper hold, I had to agree.

So I grew a beard, stopped showing my pearly whites and untussled my long, luscious locks. And for good measure I made it look like I had a hook for a hand. Oh yeah, I got rid of my shirt. I'm a shy guy by nature, but when Terry saw me, she cried, "Brilliant! AM, you will be getting some juicy movie roles very soon. Lose the nipples though, that is so George Clooney."

I looked like this:

To tell you the truth, every time I walked by a mirror or saw my reflection in a shallow pool I turned away. I hated what I had become and decided that when I don't have to go out, I keep my old look the same. When I'm kicking it in my underwater crib, I keep it real. The other stuff is a mask, just like the one Batman wears. See, when I told you there would be surprises, Aquaman delivers.

I learned a very valluable lesson that day, you gotta love yourself. If you don't no one will. So, I'm keeping my nipples, keeping my orange and green uniform and keeping my chiseled features.

Until next time, America.

1 comment:

Kim said...

Aquaman - you are too much! If you really want to be a breakaway superhero, you should really consider showing everyone the REAL you - the you I've suspected exists since I was a loyal follower of the Super Friends cartoon: Gay Aquaman. Come on AM, you aren't fooling anyone. I have known you were gay since I was seven years old! Keep it real man. Take off that shirt and put on that thong. You'll thank me.