Malaise days

Things aren't going too badly, they aren't going great, but they aren't too bad. Some news and notes from around the Magrane world, before we start  our new feature, comics that make me puke.

* Last night we won. I played like shit. Went 0-3 with three pop ups, twice with the bases loaded. Fuck, was I pissed. Man, that just pissed me off. I guess I answered the question that has been plauguing me for lo these many years, would I rather be on a good team but suck or be on a sucky team but play well.

Ah well, we learn something new every day. Two weird things happened in the game last night: a guy on the other team was run out of the game for arguing and another guy on the other team seperated his shoulder. They actually drove the ambulance on the field. I felt sort of weird because everyone gathered around him while he was laying on the ground except for me. What am I going to do there? I thought it was pretty lame, but that's just me.

* I learned something else last night, Aly's friend Abbey thinks I'm a total cheapskate. And not in a good way. She was talking shit about how I never paid for anything when we went to the Cape and how I never bought her a drink when she showed up to Aly's birthday. Supposedly I also bitched about paying a $3 cover to see a shitty band at a crappy bar.

Now, I can pinch a penny until it screams, but I'm not cheap. For one thing, I spent $120 that weekend at the Cape, a weekend that Abbey said was going to be, "A cheap, relaxing weekend." The only thing her meathead boyfriend paid for was for a pizza. When I told him I had to get money at an ATM, he was like, "Ahhh, don't worry about it." And I never crabbed about paying a cover. Never have, never will. I have zero problem paying to see entertainment.

As far as not buying her a drink at Aly's birthday, fuck her, it's not her birthday. Who do I look like, rich Uncle Pennybags? The thing that sucks most about this is that I don't give two shits if Abbey thinks I'm a cheapskate, but it really bothers Aly.

* Today we had a health fair. As part of the health fair, they had free ten minute massages. I wish I never went. This woman gave me a massage, no happy ending, with her gigantic man hands. My right shoulder fucking kills me and my neck hurts too. WTF?

* I've decided that I'm not going to swear anymore, at least out loud. I don't know how I'm going to quit it, but I will.

Ahhhh, I can not get Marmaduke cartoon to show up on this blog. I wish I could it is really lame. Marmaduke is sitting in the front seat of a taxi cab, his paw on the steering wheel. His owner comes over to Marm and says, "Where's the cabbie?"

Here are a number of things that are wrong with this stupid cartoon. The strip's running joke is that he's a big dog, not that he's smart. Why would he be in a taxi, and why do we presume that he can drive? Just because you're big doesn't mean that you're intelligent. Case in point, Ralph Sampson, he's a tall dude, but dumb as a post.

And the art. Oh man, Brad Anderson must've been late to the front nine that day. In the panel there is Marmaduke, his owner (who doesn't even have a name), the cab and a squigly line that is meant to be a cloud. The guy draws one panel a day. One. You think if he was going to be a minimalist he wouldn't waste lines. He's just lazy.

Hopefully this URL will be able to bring you there: http://www.comics.com/comics/marmaduke/archive/images/marmaduke2004261480722.gif

And the punchline, what the hell is up with this hackneyed piece of garbage. It's like Anderson had an interesting idea, Marmaduke in a cab (which we've seen a million times, the only other non-family humans he deals with are dog catchers, cops and ice cream men). But after that he just litteraly drew (see that's funnier than his joke) a blank.

If Brad Anderson ever happens upon this Blog, I beg you, I beseach you, I plead with you to give this vocation up. You've had a great run, but your old and tired. There are no more Marmaduke tales to tell.

The other day I was in the shower and I was thinking about my hatred of Marmaduke and where it comes from. I think it began way back in 1980 (or 81). That year, ABC had a great Saturday morning cartoon in Heathcliff. He rocked, a poor man's Garfield ... except funnier. Heathcliff, with his woman Sonja and the rest of his family ruled, just funny as hell. (And I'm not talking about the mid 80s DIC, syndicated story). This Heathcliff was true to his comic strip roots and kept it real.

Well, ABC must not have been getting good ratings, so they paired him up with Marmaduke. I was furious. Marmaduke sucked. And to make matters worse he halfed my Heathcliff intake, so instead of 30 minutes, there was only 15. After that year, Heathcliff was gone. I can still remember a part of the jingle, which also took a shot at Marm:

"Heathcliff and Marmaduke
The hot dog cat
And the pussy cat hound"

And that describes Marmaduke perfectly, he's a pussy.