Last article of the year

I have a bunch of stuff to catch you all up on. They're going to be quick hits, with a bit of explanations, so it won't be the normal well-thought out and well-written tomes that you're used to. I am quite sorry, but that's the way things go.

* Aly got into a car accident last Wednesday. It wasn't anything major, which is why I forgot about it, but it still sucks. Basically she was driving down Harvard Ave. in Brookline when some jackass decided to do a three-point turn in the middle of the road. For those of you who aren't familiar with Harvard Ave., it's probably one of the busiest roads in Boston proper. Always full of cars. Especially at 8:30 am. Why this numbskull decided to do this type of turn is a mystery.

Anyway, Aly saw the car now perpendicular (I love using that word) to her vehicle and started to stop. Notice how I said "started", the car skidded on ice and slammed into the car. The guy gets out and starts yelling at Aly, "Didn't you see my turn signal?" Aly was looking at this guy like he's insane, BTW he's not stupid, he goes to Harvard. So she calls the cops, they cite him for attempting a U-turn under a gigantic sign that says "No U-Turns". And he's responsible for the damages, which include: a new grill, a new hood, a new front bumper and a paint job. Should be about $3,000.

Aly was a bit shaken up, but other than that, she's fine. It's obvious I'm her good luck charm.

* Remember that guy a few weeks back at work who completely flipped out about things going to the Cayman Islands? Last week I asked him where the booth and the other shit was. It's been almost two weeks and I haven't seen anything. Nothing. I asked him what he did with the stuff, "Well, I just filled out the FedEx slip and left it in the room."

"That's all you did?"

"Yeah. That's what I was told to do."

"Seriously?"

How can this man be a vice president of the company I work for? He is a fucking moron. You know why the stuff wasn't returned? Because he left the equipment in the wrong fucking place because he wanted to go and play. He was seduced by seeing his wrinkled ass wife in a bathing suit and drinking shit margaritas. So for the last few days I had to track this shit down. Today, I finally found it and they sent it back to me. Three weeks it took me to get this stuff back, and does he give a shit? Of course not.

I work with fucking morons.

* Which may not be for much longer. Yesterday I had an interview. I think it really went well. The person interviewing me was impressed with my writing skills (a first) and I only said a few idiotic things. Not too bad.

The place is called Band and Brown, which I called Brown and Band. Give me a break, they both begin with B. Don't I get a mulligan on that? As I was interviewing for this job, a funny thing happened: I really began to want this job. When I walked in there, I knew they weren't going to meet my price and I was like, "whatever, let's do this thing because I haven't had an interview in over four years." But as I was talking and selling myself, I really, really wanted this job.

Which means that they're going to undercut me and I'll say no and get pissed off. If they can match what I'm making right now, I'd take this job in a second. For some insane reason, my parents have this idea that this job has "a lot of travel" involved in it and are nervous about me accepting it.

What the fuck are they talking about? There is virtually no travel in this job and even if there was, who cares? This whole leaving the nest syndrome is starting to bug the shit out of me. If Aly or I even talk about moving, they seriously get pissed. What the hell? I mean, I love them and all, but I don't know if I want to live my life 30 miles from where I was born. I'm glad that they like that type of stability, but do I want to look over my life and know that I've only moved 30 miles in 80 (I hope) or so years of living?

Christ, it's like I have these two people that are pulling me back because they're afraid to let go.

* Speaking of moving along, Jay's girlfriend, Vanessa is moving to Tampa. That's going to suck for Jay, I think he really likes her. I like Vanessa too, she's a real good kid. I hope things work out for both of them.

* Ok, I'm probably going to get a rash of shit for this, but I don't care. I've been pretty involved with the entire wedding, I should, it's my day too. There is one thing that I was not getting into though, that is the flowers. I don't care if we have no flowers or a fucking garden growing in the middle of the dance floor. It is something that I just don't care about.

Yesterday was my last day of a very brief vacation and Aly couldn't use her car (the insurance adjuster was coming between 8:00 am and 4:00 pm -- way to be fucking specific, pal) and she had an appointment in South Boston with a florist. Guess who had to give her a ride and hang out? That's right. Me.

I thought it was going to be for an hour. Zip in, look at a few buds, leave. No big deal right? Wrong. I was there for over two hours. How the hell can chicks give a shit about flowers and colors? How? My head was going to explode it hurt so much. Just the most mundane shit in the world. Tope? Eggplant? Violet? Chocolate brown? Cinnamon? Auburn? Who fucking cares, pick a damn color and go with it.

And then, should the centerpieces be 35 inches tall or 25 inches tall? It matters you know. It matters big time. Just not to me. And what do you want to wear on your tux? I don't know, just don't make me look stupid. Well, do you want this color flower or that color. They're the same thing. No they're not, one's ivory and the other is eggshell.

I was so bored I almost fell asleep, which made me feel bad because the lady was really nice, but man, did that suck. And I also had a milkshake from McDonalds, which killed my stomach. The other thing that blew about that McD's is that it was right next to the Children's Museum, so every kid was so wound up and tired, that all they did was cry. I am not joking, from the time they walked into the restaurant until the time they left, all of the shrieked.

* We picked where we're going on our honeymoon: Hawaii. We also booked our flight today, that was fucking awesome. I can't wait.

* I am going to White Plains to celebrate New Year's Eve (Amateur Night) with Danna and Rick. Just a nice, quiet dinner at Morton's. This is quite a 180 from last year's NYE, where we paid $60 for all you can drink at a comedy club in Manhattan. We got to see Chris Rock (unannounced) and I got to drain five keg cups of Dewar's on ice. Needless to say, I puked my guts out. Fun for all!

* I'll see you in the 05, when I'll tell you what happened in New York and drop some resolutions on your asses. Maybe I'll also figure out how to post pics on here, so you can finally see what I look like.