A Different Look at NWA

I think that when a song writer pens a song he has a certain audience in mind. For example, I doubt that when Jimmy Page and Robert Plant wrote “Black Dog” they probably didn't think that there would be blasted at an old age home. Just like I doubt that Ice Cube didn't have in mind that a middle-aged man would be listening to “Fuck tha Police” mowing his lawn in a Massachusetts suburb.

But that's what happened a few weeks ago and that got me seriously thinking about NWA's (which stands for Niggas With Attitudes) seminal 1988 release “Straight Outta Compton”. When released, the album shocked the establishment with its frank descriptions of ghetto life—specifically that of Compton, CA—through misogynistic and violent rhymes. Made up of Ice Cube (Oshea Jackson), Eazy-E (Eric Wright), Dr. Dre (Andre Young), MC Ren (Lorenzo Patterson) and Yella Boy (Antoine Carraby), the group rapped about drug deals, police brutality and the utter hopelessness of life for a young, urban African-American.

While the album didn't spark controversy on it's initial release, it wasn't until suburban (read white) kids got their hand on the album that parents and the government started to take notice of the self-described “World's Most Dangerous Group”. Walking by their children's rooms or overhearing them talk about what was contained on the album, the establishment had a collective fit over songs like the aforementioned “Fuck tha Police”, “Straight Outta Compton” and “Gangsta Gangsta”. The FBI went as far as writing a letter to the group's record label, Ruthless/Priority/EMI demanding that the song be deleted from further album pressings and that the group not play the song during concerts.

Of course, this only increased the appeal of the group which prompted more record sales. One of those tapes was purchased by a young, white kid living in the most northern part of Massachusetts thousands of miles from Compton, California. I lived in a thoroughly middle-class neighborhood and while not lavishly wealthy, there wasn't much that I wanted for. My friends were the same way, yet there was something that we latched onto about NWA.

Aside from a few party bust-ups, we were never hassled by the police, no one was getting shot, the drug dealers at our school sold shake and stems and none of our girlfriends were performing fellatio on the dealers to get that. Looking back, it was a pretty bucolic life of playing sports, doing school work, drinking a few beers now and then and chasing girls. But we were 15 and 16-years-old and we needed something to rage against, and if it was raging against “normalcy” and boredom, then so be it. In any case, I wore that tape out listening to the tales of gang life over and over again.

But something happened from age 15 to 35; I grew up a bit (not too much) and gained a bit of perspective. Maybe it's because I've heard the songs so many time that I can recite the lyrics backwards, but now “Straight Outta Compton” doesn't sound like the tinder box or revolution as it does the unhappy bragging of the downtrodden.

The album opens with Ice Cube (who wrote nine of the 13 tracks) letting the audience know where he and his band are from. And make no mistake about it, these guys aren't having fun in the warm California sun. He paints the picture of an urban jungle where one has to use his wits in order to survive. This coupled with the two songs on the album (“Fuck tha Police” and “Gangsta, Gangsta”) show that the citizens of Compton are stuck in a vice. On one side there are their own people in gangs shooting up neighborhoods and on the other side are the people who have been sworn to protect and serve them, the Los Angeles Police Department. Both sides put an exorbitant amount of pressure on young people, which eventually causes them to pop.
Ice Cube couldn't run to the police when a gang banger shot up his neighborhood for two reasons:

1. He would be labeled as a snitch and would probably be killed
2. The cops don't care. They treat everyone in the ghetto the same.

This life has to be immensely frustrating. And that is what the theme of the album is about: life's constant frustrations and being powerless to stop them. That undercurrent of frustration is what makes this album excellent. It's not all bang-bang, shoot 'em, kill 'em all, mindless rapping. In order to survive and make a name Ice Cube and the other members (aside from Eazy-E, which I will discuss soon) have to separate themselves from their background, while also reminding everyone where they're from at the same time.

The members of NWA need to establish a larger-than-life persona in order to deal with every day life. This is done through new names that sound more like super heroes (Ice Cube, Dr. Dre) and through exaggerated song lyrics with language that mirrors their lives. Talk of beating and killing adversaries is an example of the “kill or be killed” way of life that rules the streets.

These crimes were being committed by “Ice Cube” or “MC Ren” not Oshea Jackson or Lorenzo Patterson. They were using their raps and their alter egos (pretty much all of their raps were said in the third-person) to speak out about the frustration in their lives and the violent acts that should be done to solve their problems.

“Fuck tha Police, Ren said with authority” (from “Fuck tha Police”)
“Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube, from a gang called Niggas With Attitudes.” (from “Straight Outta Compton”)

These lyrics (and there are many more) suggest a form of separation between a person and his surrounding. I'm no psychologist, so I'm going to keep my five cent diagnosis.

While the dealing between person and environment were mostly third-person (often times words like “I” or “me” were used, however I feel that they were used to establish a rhythmic pattern) the dealings between the rapper and women were strictly single-person. On songs such as “I Ain't Tha One” and “Dopeman”, Ice Cube bears his soul—of course, it's under layers and layers of bravado, but if one looks they can see it.

Again, frustration is the name of the game as he muses that women don't want to him and his crew because they are too poor and have no status in the community. Every once in awhile a girl may look their way, but to Ice Cube and the others, the only reason why she is doing this is because she wants something.

“You want lobster? Huh. I'm thinking Burger King.” (from “I Ain't Tha One”)

While a funny line about opportunistic women, it belies a point from Ice Cube which is you shouldn't be dating me for what I can offer (expensive meals, cars, jewelry) you should be with me for who I am.

“Run out of money and yo, watch your heart break. She'll drop you like a bad habit.” (from “I Ain't Tha One”)

Realize that Ice Cube is not 80's, ghetto version of Dion (“Why Must I be a Teenager in Love?”). He is also out for one thing (and in the same song as the ones quoted above, he says, “I think with my ding-a-ling” and “After the date, I'm gonna want to do the wild thing”), but it can be argued that a. he is honest about what he expects b. class or money do not factor into his pursuits—though one could probably blame teenaged libido on that.

While I haven't spoken of tone in the album's raps, the ending of “I Ain't Tha One” does have a bit of sadness in it when Ice Cube realizes that this woman is only showing interest because she thought that he was wealthy. “You only wanted me for my money. Beat it.” is said with equal parts disdain and disappointment. It is one of the few times on the album where the speaker allows the listener to feel pity for him. This works well with the album's overarching theme of frustration.

Another song that deals with women is “Dopeman” however, this is only in a verse or two. Ice Cube and the group lament over the fact that they can not get any girls to look at them, but the dope man (the lowest of the low in the world of the ghetto—a man who literally poisons his community in order to get rich) has women fawning all over him. It's not because of the dope man's charms or wiles. It's because he has half the neighborhood addicted to his product and because of the poverty, women are willing to trade sexual favors for his wares.

As a young man whose teenage years were also a dry spell, one can do crazy things to get a girl. However, it seems that Ice Cube and the rest of NWA (aside from Eazy-E) would not lower themselves to the level of a drug dealer to get women. Having a conscious or some sort of moral compass in the ghetto makes the day-to-day life frustrating.

One can assume that the motivation of NWA was to leave the ghetto and become wealthy. To do this they essentially had to play both sides of the fence: claim the ghetto as their “home” (in order to maintain street credibility) and find a way to leave the ghetto where life would undoubtedly get easier. The dark secret of NWA is that when the album was released, the only member of NWA that had a police record was Eazy-E. He sold drugs in order to finance the group in the early years and was arrested by the polcie a few times.

It seems to me that despite their rap protestations, the members of NWA never wanted to be in a gang. They used the lot that was given to them (poverty, police brutality, gang violence) as a way to get themselves out of their lifestyle.

This is what I missed while listening to this album the first 800 or so times. And while I never could put my finger on why this album (which was essentially the blue print for the gangster rap explosion of the 1990s and beyond) was so much better than the other ones that came after it. It wasn't that it was the first album of the genre, it was the stuff that ran under the surface of the curses and bravado. There is a certain heart to this album, a certain raw-nerve feel that is way too tender to touch. And while I won't go so far as to say that there is a warmth to the record, there is an element there that imitators can't seem to get right.

The frustration of youth, the frustration of one's surroundings, the frustrations of life and being in a place that you desperately want to get away from bubbles to the top subliminally. People who look only at the surface will never get it correct because it really isn't what NWA said; it's more the themes that were between the lines and what they didn't.

I'm Only Human or Beatles for Sale

Apparently something very big is happening today—and it's not my 35th birthday*. According to many media outlets, four lads from Liverpool, England are returning to America or are invading America or are declaring a jihad on America ... I'm not 100% sure, but something is happening to America.


* Yes. This was a cheap lede and an even cheaper stunt, especially coming from someone who tells everyone that he “hates” his birthday. Not sure why I put hate in quotes, because while I don't literally hate my birthday (it's nice to be alive on most days), but I don't particularly like it either. It's not because of any vain reasons or because I think that my best years have passed me by, I just don't like it and it's really that simple.

Of course today (09/09/09*) is the day that the Beatles make their glorious return to the front burner of the American pop culture psyche when the Beatles Rock Band video game and two versions (mono and stereo) of every Beatles CD is released. You can buy the CDs separately or in one convenient box set, your choice, mate!

* Two things: one there will not be an a Posterisk every other paragraph, I promise. Two, do you realize that today is the last time that there will be able to write three singular numbers to delineate the date for 992 years? The next time you can do this is January 1, 3001. So in the future when your kids start giving you crap about not being able to figure out their technology, hit them with that piece of information.

I've written about this before, but one of my favorite episodes of “The Simpsons” is the one where Homer goes to clown college and becomes a regional Krusty the Klown. What sets up the crux of the plot is that Homer sees a billboard advertising the college and he says to himself, “Clown college? No way is that add working on me!” and for the rest of the act Homer sees clowns everywhere, culminating in the dinner-time line, “You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to clown college!”

I feel like Homer Simpson.

A couple of months ago I found about the Beatles video game and the rereleases and my first reaction was, “Rock Band sounds cool, but there is no way that I'm shelling out $250 for 11 CDs that I (mostly) own and haven't listened to in awhile. Sorry Sir Paul and Sir Ringo, but I'm keeping my cash, thank you very much.”

The blitz started innocently enough with some small articles in magazines, then a few ads on TV and next thing you know, I'm inundated with a full-fledged case of Beatlemania. There movies are on every channel, every magazine I look at has a full-fledged Beatle blitz and every radio station is playing one of their jazzy tunes. I can't escape it.

I've been listening to their albums again. I've considered buying a Wii so that I can get the Beatles Rock Band and I am seriously giving thought to buying the Beatles box set (the mono version) and have tried to fool myself into thinking that it's a good idea to drop $250 because:

- Hey, it's the mono version! I only have the stereo version and they aren't even remastered! How am I truly going to be able to appreciate the Beatles music while listening to them in stereo? I might as well be listening to it on an 8-track tape.

- I only have six of the Beatles ten studio albums (the box set comes with “Past Masters” which was released in the 90s, I believe). This is a great opportunity to get the other four for the low-low price of $62.50 per disk.

- CDs are a dying medium, who doesn't want to buy an instant collector's item?

- And this is the best reason, everyone else on the planet seems to be doing this. I may as well jump on the toboggan ride and see where it takes me.

Chances are I'm not going to succumb to the media hype, but it is interesting how my mind which was 100% made up not to even think about making a purchase of any of this stuff. But here I am a few months later and I am actually tossing it around in my mind. You might think that the next few paragraphs are going to be about the evils of capitalism, mass marketing and how the Beatles are the greediest bastards on the planet.

You're wrong.

The reason why there is marketing and advertising is because it works and it's needed. There are certain necessities that people don't need someone to tell them to get: a home, food, water or air. For everything else, there's Mastercard ... er, I mean there needs to be advertising.

Do you need a new iPhone? Or even a phone? The world worked pretty well before Alexander Graham Bell showed up, but through advertising the thought of having a phone has been implanted in your brain as no-questions-asked necessity. If you stop and think about it, there's really no need for 90% of the stuff in your house. None.

But if the only things that we consumed were things that we needed, life would be boring and a whole lot of people would be out of jobs. In order to have a stable economy and in turn a good life, we need to be tempted to buy things which will keep this capitalist machine chugging along. Life would be boring without its pointless baubles.

And as far as the Beatles having too much money, who is anyone to argue that anyone has “too much money”? I'm all for getting as much as you can—as long as your not going Madoff someone and the Beatles aren't doing this now. They're capitalizing on their popularity and good for them. Here's an interesting bit of trivia, do you know which CD released in the 00s has moved the most units? The Beatles #1s, which was released in the earlier part of this decade.

You'll never go broke selling nostalgia—especially when its aimed at baby boomers and future generations that believe that they missed something because they didn't grow up during that era. And I think that is what's so interesting about this latest marketing blitz: it's the perfect storm of taking something in the past and tying it to the future.

The Beatles made their first appearance on the “Ed Sullivan Show” on February 7, 1964 a few months after America was shocked by the murder of their president—one could try and juxtapose the death of one Kennedy and the first wave of Beatlemania to the death of that Kennedy's brother and the next wave of Beatlemania, but it's a coincidence at best and it's not even worth bringing up. This was 45 years ago, even the youngest teens at the time are 57. The oldest, somewhere around 63.

A lot of the people who play video games like RockBand are in the lower spectrum of the 18-35 range and they know who the Beatles are and more importantly, like the Beatles. So the marketing range is from 18-63 years old (give or take a few years, especially on the lower end) which means a lot of people with disposable income. I can't think of another brand that has such an overlap of demographics; maybe beer or soda, but the price points for those products are nothing compared to what one new Beatles CD costs; never mind the video game or the boxed set.

If you like to watch the zeitgeist of American pop culture, the next few months are going to be very interesting as the Beatles are going to burn pretty hot. Eventually, there will be a cooling off period followed by something else that will inevitably grab the public's attention. What will it be? Will that product ape the marketing campaign of the Beatles? This is not the first time that video games and CDs have been married together and thrown to the American public in all forms of media, but it has the potential to be the most successful.* Who will be next?

* The thing that I've noticed a lot in the articles about the Beatles is how they are being compared to master painters or classical musicians. A reporter will ask, “Isn't this a big risk hoping that a band that is almost 50 years old and whose music is ubiquitous—almost saturating at this point—can still be a big money maker?” The person answering the question always says, “What about Bach? What about Beethoven? What about the Mona Lisa or the Sistine Chapel? Those things have been around for hundreds of years yet people still want to hear or see them.”

What I find most interesting is not that the works of the Beatles are being compared to works of Bach, Beethoven, da Vinci or Michaelangelo; but that apparently right now, the Beatles have undergone yet another transformation from flavor-of-the-month pop stars to voices of their generation to classical artists.

That's not too bad.

32. The State

As I've talked about in the SuperRock entry* MTV was at a crossroads in the early to mid 1990s. On one hand, it seemed that it wanted to keep their FM-radio-on-TV-anything-goes type of vibe, but on the other hand Madison Avenue was banging on their door trying to figure out how to market their products to teenagers. Essentially, the network was a victim of their own success.

Predictably, they went the way of the marketers and started to segment their music and begin showing programs that were more easily targeted to the advertising folks. And I'm not anti-marketing (how could I be?) or anti-advertising. Companies need a return on their investment and pushing new Coke to a group of people that only wants to drink beer isn't a good way of spending cash.

* I find it interesting that when you type SuperRock into Google, my Blog is the first entry that comes up. If you type in my name, 19Thoughts doesn't come up first. Also, I go to an outside site to check where readers come from and at least three or four times a week I'll have a reader being directed to my site after looking up SuperRock.

MTV had already successfully introduced a reality show (“Real World”), a ton of game shows (“Singled Out” and “Remote Control”) and was unsuccessful in spinning off comedies and dramas. The question was, what is a cross between a sitcom and a reality show? A comedy sketch show.

Since MTV was still green when it came to producing their own show, they had to go with unexperienced comedians. Luckily, there was a troupe of 11 New York University graduates who were familiar to MTV and their audience, but weren't completely overexposed.*

* At MTV overexposure wasn't a bad word, everything successful was shoved down the viewers' throats ad nauseum. With that in mind, I'm surprised that an MTV sketch show didn't star Dan Cortez, Pauly Shore, Kennedy, Bill Belamy and Jenny McCarthy.


After the members of the State left NYU, they put on their act throughout New York City gradually building an- audience while honing both their writing skills and stage presence. By the time someone from MTV discovered them, they were already a well-oiled machine.

The first MTV show that they were apart of was called “You Wrote It, You Watch It”. Basically this show consisted of viewers writing down wacky situations and different groups of comedians would act it out. The guys from the State were the most popular of the players and while YWI, YWI came and left quickly, MTV realized that it had something in the State.

MTV also realized that it had something in the host of YWI, YWI as Jon Stewart was given a nightly talk show that was completely different from what he's doing now.

“The State” was recently released on DVD during the last month and there have been a lot of things written about the show, one article explained how much autonomy the group had when it came to their bosses. State cast member David Wain told the Onion AV Club that MTV basically gave them their space and told them to pretty much do whatever they want to do. And they did.

If you get the DVDs and watch “The State” now it seems pretty pedestrian. But when they first started popping up on the channel it was mind-blowing; especially considering the state (no pun) of sketch comedy at the time. “Saturday Night Live” had lost many of its older, stronger cast members (Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey, Mike Myers) and began to lean heavily on the David Spade, Chris Farley and Adam Sandler crew. While these guys were funny, they seemed to lack any sort of comedy trailblazing and imagination, it was the same old skits with the same catch phrases week after week after week. Even bringing comedy veterans like Chris Elliot or Michael McKeon or Janeanne Garofalo couldn't break the comedic malaise.

The only other televised sketch comedy choice was “In Living Color”, which was even more of the same old, same old except that none of the funnier Wayans brothers (Keenan or Damon) were around and Jim Carrey had his eyes on Hollywood. If you like hours of Tommy Davidson and David Alan Grier playing the same characters spouting the same things over and over again, than this was your comedy nirvana. Not even the addition of Chris Rock could save this mess.

Despite the popularity of comedy (stand-up comedians were dominating the ratings on network sitcoms) the traditional sketch show was at an all-time low in terms of laughs and creativity. It's not hyperbolic to say that “The State” rescued televised sketch shows.

The sketches on “The State” weren't like anything on television at that time. They rarely had reoccurring characters and they didn't have much in terms of catch phrases. Ironically, this type of familiarity was something that MTV wanted and that the troupe fought hard to stay away from. MTV eventually got their wish and a character named Louie was created, that was so obnoxious and so loud, that viewers were able to pick up the detest that the writers had for him. Louie was a one-trick pony played by Ken Marino. He had slicked back black hair and wore a short-sleeve dress shirt. He would always yell, “Can I dip my balls in it?” no matter what the scenario was.

One example of this is when Louie was depicted as one of Jesus' disciples and attended the Last Supper.

It was no dumber than the myriad catchphrases that was being passed off as zingers and found a home with the viewers who were “hip” to what the writers were trying to do and the folks who loved the phrase on face-value.

But the true greatness of the show came from the anonymity of the cast; who were these guys? Where did they come from? Why did MTV give a show to these dudes, they look like they could be in my dorm. And there's only one woman, who's going to play the female roles?

Add these questions to the sketches that were shown week to week and you have a show that went from cult worthy to a success in an instant. MTV does something very, very well: once it finds out what their demographic likes, it will shove that show down it's throat through endless marketing and hours of show marathons. With “The State” it wasn't like that. Sure, they would show weekend marathons, but I don't recall an all-out media blitz. They seemed to take a very hands off approach and continued to let the group churn out its off-beat brand of humor.

While MTV left the show alone, it's corporate partner CBS did not. In 1995 CBS wanted to get younger, most of their shows were geared for the geriatric set and that's not where the dollars are. The prime age group is 18-34 because theoretically the people in this age group have disposable income and are more apt to buy stuff. Part one of CBS' plan to get younger was to use MTV as a minor league team and their first call-up to the Big Leagues was “The State”.

From my recollection, CBS entered into an agreement with “The State” sometime in the beginning of that summer. That meant that they weren't going to produce any more new episodes for MTV and their focus was going to be on CBS, which gave them a big budget (bigger than MTV's anyway) for a Halloween show. As Halloween drew closer and closer, it has been reported that CBS got colder and colder feet about “The State”. Absolutely no marketing was done and to make matters worse, the Halloween show was going air on Halloween at 10:0 PM, which was on a Friday that year.

“The State's” major audience were high-school, college and young 20 somethings, all of whom would have something better to do than to sit around on a Friday night and wait for a show to come on. Especially when they were used to seeing that show running around the clock on MTV. Factor in that Halloween is among the top two biggest party nights of the year and it was no wonder that “The State Halloween Special” was a complete and total bomb.

After that debacle, “The State” sort of went underground for awhile. Every once in awhile you'd see one of them in a commercial or as a guest on a TV show, but there wasn't much going on. At the end of the 90s, Comedy Central aired a few seasons of “Viva Variety” which starred about half of the original State crew and it was a take on how Europeans translate American culture all whipped up into a variety show. It was pretty funny.

Then most of them got back together for the feature film, “Wet Hot American Summer” which was a spoof on the early 80s summer camp movies and while it wasn't a blockbuster, it did develop a very large cult following. After that, Comedy Central dabbled with members of the state for “Reno: 911!” which spoofed reality shows like “Cops”. This was probably the biggest hit post-State as it was on air for six seasons.

Comedy Central's partnership with members of “The State” continued with “Stella” an amusing send up of the traditional sitcom that starred Wain, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter. Although it was really funny (my favorite thing that any State alumni have done since the original show) it failed to catch on.* Showalter and Black were brought back to Comedy Central for a latest go-round with “Michael and Michael Have Issues”, which is pretty awesome.

* My neighbor grew up with David Wain and has remained really good friends with him through the years. In December, he got me tickets to see “Stella” live. It was really, really funny. Showalter, Wain and Black know each other so well that it seemed less like a comedy show and more like a bunch of friends sitting around trying to crack each other up. Their Comedy Central show was a lot like this except it had a framework of a plot.

What did "The State" wrought? One could argue that it did change television sketch comedy as in 1995 Lorne Michaels completely blew up the cast of SNL and started from scratch with a completely anonymous cast. A year or two later HBO also started their own off-beat sketch show called "Mr. Show" that was able to take what "The State" had done and go even further.

Would these shows have existed or changed without "The State"? That's debatable. I'm sure the Michaels was sick of the drek that was being pumped out by Sandler and Rob Schneider; but the 1995-96 season had a different edge to it. They weren't copying "The State" but one could sense the influences.

As for myself, after watching a few episodes of "The State" it occurred to me that comedy isn't about the name of the performer, it's about the set and how hard the performer works to get your laugh. Catch phrases and familiar characters are easy, you already know when to laugh. But getting a joke perfectly crafted or writing a tight scene isn't easy and it's not supposed to be. "The State" opened my eyes to that.

I guess that this is the point in the Blog where I list out my favorite sketches and defend them and their hierarchy, but aside from a few there aren't a heck of a lot of sketches that I remember. It has been about 14 or 15 years since I last saw the show. I haven't purchased the DVDs yet, but when I do I'm sure that I'll enjoy it again.

My Summer Vacation

Sunday night I got home from a four-day trek to Cleveland and Pittsburgh with two of my friends (Ryan and Drew) and without my wife and child. The purpose of this trip wasn't to drink ourselves into a stupor, it was to check out the ballparks and have a good time. Since I'm usually pretty bad with remembering stuff after a certain shelf life, I am going to jot down some observations about the cities, parks and the overall experience.

It's going to be some self-indulgent crap, so if you don't want to read it, I won't be offended. And it's also not going to have much of a narrative flow, so don't expect “First we did this, then we did that and then we did that” I'm going to be jumping around all over the place, so if you're still with me, strap in.

- The drive to Cleveland didn't suck as bad as I thought it was going to—the drive back more than made up for it, but that's for later. All three of us were equally pumped about the trip and hadn't seen each in other in some time, so the stories were fresh, the jokes funny and our respective iPods were unheard.

Aside from a 15-minute typhoon as soon as we entered Ohio, the actual trip was uneventful. New York state is much bigger than I thought and I finally made it to Buffalo. That in itself isn't a big deal, but it seems like many times when I drive and see a sign noting the mileage to Buffalo it always seems to be 400 miles away. To me, Buffalo was at the edge of the world. If I was a Medieval cartographer and I was mapping out the United States, after I wrote “Buffalo” on the map, I'd draw a picture of a sea serpent behind it.



- We had a bit more time to kill in Cleveland as we got there on Thursday night and hung around until Saturday morning. One of the places that we went to was the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame. All HOFs are exactly the same thing: a bunch of memorabilia that sits in a bunch of rooms and a gift shop. That's pretty much it.

And the RR HOF was no different. On a scale of 1-10, I'd give about a 7. But it's not really the fault of the RR HOF, it's hard to recreate the excitement of a band without having the actual band there. And music is so subjective and it's importance to one person rarely is the guys in the band, it's what's happening around the listener that generates excitement.

For example, there was a wall devoted to the “Seattle Scene” of the early 1990s. It included Jerry Cantrell's softball jersey from when he was on MTV's annual Rock N' Jock softball game, a couple of Pearl Jam discs, some Nirvana lyrics and a beat up Soundgarden t-shirt (which was actually pretty cool it had a screen still of Godzilla attacking a city and it just said “Soundgarden” above it). And there was a couple of other things in the gigantic box on the wall and a well-written blurb about the music, but it all was pretty flat.

They also had a similar wall about hip-hop and had a Public Enemy SPIN magazine, Jay-Z's Carolina Hurricanes jersey (I have no idea why this was there, I looked for an explanation but couldn't find one – it was incredibly random) and a bunch of other crap. Again, flat and nothing really jumped out at me.

They did have an exhibit, but it was about Bruce Springsteen, and I understand his place in music history and how much people love “The Boss”, but he bores me. So I skipped it.

This being said, if you're in Cleveland you definitely should check the place out. It's worthwhile to go and see some stuff. Just don't expect to be blown away.
Ryan and I both thought it was weird (and very cool) that they had a little exhibit on New Order and Joy Division. You don't see that every day.

BTW, they also had this bizarre rule of not taking pictures at the RR HOF, what was the deal with that? Did Eric Clapton think our picture-taking things were going to steal his soul? Jebus.

- The bars in Cleveland were pretty cool. We hit a bunch of them on Thursday after stuffing our faces at Morton's. I can't remember all of the places that we went to, but one thing was certain the folks in Cleveland couldn't have been nicer. *

* Except for the homeless person that Ryan met on Saturday morning. Ryan wanted to have a Saul-like epiphany and spent about a half hour talking to the dude. Now here's something that you don't hear every day: the homeless guy said (at 3 AM no less) “Buddy, I have to be somewhere. Gotta go.”

So my good friend was blown off by a homeless guy. There can be no other explanation because where does a homeless guy NEED to be? He has no house. And it was 3 am, it's not like he's missing an important lunch meeting. You know what? I take this back, that homeless guy was the nicest person one of us met this whole trip. He listened to Ryan prattle on for a half. Dude is a saint, I guess Ryan did pick the right guy to talk to.

The one watering hole that we spent most of our time in (on both Thursday and Friday) was a place called Moriarty's. It was a complete dive, but the bartender (Kelly) was beyond cool. She plied us with a couple of free shots, did an Irish Car Bomb with us and told us that this was the place that Major League umpires hang out when they're in town. So if you're looking for a place to rip a man in blue over last night's blown call, hang out here.



We also hit a local brew pub called Great Lakes Brewery. It's a bit on the outskirts of town, but the beer is tremendous. If you're a fan of IPAs then the one that they have on tap will knock your socks off. It's 9% alcohol (so basically double that of a Bud Light) so tread lightly.



- The main reason we went on this trip was to check out ballparks and Progressive (nee Jacobs) Field is one of the better ones that I've been to. First off, our seats were amazing, Drew's seat was right along the rail in left field foul territory. Secondly, the entire place seems as if it's brand new ... though it has been around for 15 years.

The seats weren't cramped, there was a ton of personal space, the concourses were wide and they had a bunch of food and beer stands without many lines. You can say that's because the Indians suck and no one was there, but I'd have to call shenanigans on you, amigo. This place was packed (fireworks after the game!*) and you could walk as freely as you choose.

The game wasn't anything exciting, the Mariners beat the Indians 7-4 and Russell Branyon hit a bomb; but other than that it was a fun game at the old ball yard.





In dead center field behind the fence (obviously) there is a very understated Indians Hall of Fame. Just a few plaques for the greatest Indians and few dedications to members of the Tribe that have passed on while in uniform (Ray Chapman, Steve Olin and Tim Crews). There was also a wall with bricks of the 100 greatest Cleveland Indians which was really cool also.

After seeing this, we need a new ballpark in Boston. Desperately.

* In both Cleveland and Pittsburgh, when ever we'd tell the locals that we're going to that night's game people would always gush, “I hear that there's fireworks tonight!” like it was some marvel of man. I've lived through 35 Fourth of Julys, I've seen fireworks before. This is no big deal. I thought it was very odd.

- That takes us to Pittsburgh. We got there a bit later than we wanted to, so no Primanti Brothers or Warhol Museum for us. Instead we drank a bit.

I have to say, I wasn't impressed with the Pittsburghers. They were nice enough, I guess, but the bartenders at the one place we went to Olive or Twists sucked and the other place (I can't remember) weren't much better. I think that Olive or Twists (which is one of the better bar names I've heard of) was a more “upscale” bar. They certainly had nice looking bartenders, but (and I know this is wah-wah thing to say) when I asked them to turn on the Sox/Yanks game the bartender told me she didn't know how to change the channel, so we were stuck watching the World Series of Poker.

I did try an Iron City beer and it was pretty decent.

On each excursion to the two parks I wore a different Sox shirt and in Pittsburgh I had my throw-back Ted Williams jersey. Some guy who was selling Terrible Towels saw my shirt amongst the crowd and was screaming, “Big Sloppy! Big Sloppy! Steroids! Steroids!” I have no idea why a Pittsburgh Pirate vendor is give a Red Sox fan shit but I assume it's either because he's still bitter about the 1903 World Series or he doesn't like the fact that the Patriots kick the Steelers' ass pretty much any time they play in the post season.





- I have been to 16 different baseball fields and I can say that PNC Park in Pittsburgh is the best one of them all. It's a lot like Cleveland in that there are wide seats, big aisles, mammoth concourses and lots of beer and food stands. But it's more than that. The architects got this thing right. From the scoreboard in rightfield to irregular outfield dimensions to the gorgeous view of the Pittsburgh sky line; going to PNC Park is like going to baseball nirvana.

Angry towel salesmen aside, it angers me that there isn't a better team playing in these confines. It's a very intimate park (smaller than Fenway) but you don't feel like you're sitting on the guy next to you. It has a lot of old-school charm, but the modern touches feel “right” to. A few Pittsburghers I spoke to weren't happy with the game presentation: too much music, too much stuff going on, why can't the people focus entirely on the game? But that's what they have to do because the Pirates suck so bad and for so long.

You can get away with less game presentation if you're the Steelers or even the Penguins, those teams have won championships in the past year. But the Pirates haven't been above .500 since 1992, that's 17 years! The on thing that I noticed about the crowd was that aside from one or two Ryan Doumit shirts, everyone was wearing a shirt of someone from the Pirates past. It wasn't all just Roberto Clemente and Willie Stargell jerseys either: Freddy Sanchez, Jason Bay and I am positive that I saw guy wearing a Chuck Tanner shirt.

BTW, the Pirates smoked the Reds. And as bad as the Pirates are, the Reds are even worse. At least Pittsburgh has some young talent to build around. Cincinnati looks hopeless.

They know their baseball. I just wish that someone would drag them from their hardball purgatory.





- After the game we stuck around the park because it was 1970s weekend and among the treats lined up for the Steel Citizens (which included retro unis for both the Pirates and Reds and a reunion of the “We Are Family” Champions) there was an after-game concert featuring none other than KC and the Sunshine Band.

Yes. It was as cheesy as you would think, but it was also pretty fun. The dude has got to be pushing 60, but he still had his dance moves. His on-stage banter was stale (“Pittsburgh! Are you ready to do a little dance? Make a little love? Get down tonight? I am your boogie man!”) and for some reason he kept bring up how old he was, but I was shocked at how many songs I knew by him. We didn't stay the entire time, but I'd say that most of the packed house did.

But there were lots of middle-aged women reliving their glory nights on the disco floor under the sky surrounded by a retro-looking, brand new ballpark on a night where their floundering team honored a 30-year-old championship team. And while I wasn't shaking my groove thing, I knew how these people felt because here I was going on a road trip with two of my oldest friends reliving what it was like to be young and responsibility free, even if it was for a few days.

And I am damn glad that I did it.

33. Jeopardy!

I'm not even going to get into the bullshit apology about not doing an update to my top 56 in some time. It will be insincere and shallow and the truth is, I've been really busy lately. But I am going to try to do at least one of these a week for the foreseeable future.*

* The truth is, no one really has been banging down my door asking about the next entry, so I'm not sure why I got all pissed off in that last paragraph. Maybe I'm mad at myself for waiting too long to write another entry or maybe I just wanted an interesting way to open this entry.

Putting a game show on your list of favorite TV shows is tough because by the very nature of it, a game show is something different episode after episode. One of the things that I talk about most with my favorite shows are the characters or the stories. Usually the characters and types of stories stay constant, in other words, Jerry Seinfeld isn't battling space pirates one week and operating on Newman the next. When you turn on one of your favorite shows, you know what you're going to get.

Not so with game shows.

About the only consistent thing is the host and most of them are bland blank slates who act as ciphers for the contestants. Even one of the all time greats like Bob Barker would sit back and let the contestants do all of the heavy lifting. Ever see him freak out when someone one double Show Case Showdowns? Nope. Because he knows that tomorrow he'll be doing the same dance with the same corn-fed hick from Nebraska or one of the idiot brothers from Tappa Kega Day. It seems to me that being a game show host is the modern day equivalent of Sisyphus except instead of dealing with a rock and a hill, you have to interact with the American public.

My point? I like Jeopardy a lot because of it is different every day. There are different contestants (that seem to be intelligent) and different questions and different strategies. This is literally one of my favorite primal scream shows. What's a primal scream show? Easy, it's a television show (for me, it's mostly a sporting event) where you vent your frustrations on the person/people that are currently on the tube.

I am like a drunken Oakland Raider fan with Turret's Syndrome when I watch this show. I don't get angry when people don't know the answers to the questions—hey, they're tough questions, which is another reason why I like the show. What gets me angry is that these people are so smart but have such little confidence in themselves.

Next time you watch and it's a tight game, check out the bets of the people. They're usually very small. What they're saying is that they don't have the confidence in themselves to win the pot and they're hoping that someone will lose. Basically the thought is this, “If I risk less money than Player A and Player B, and they don't know the answer as well, I'll win.” More often than not, this philosophy kills the conservative player.

Legendary Jeopardy contestant Ken Jennings, who won an amazing 74 straight shows in 2004, not because he was smarter than 148 different people it's because he was aggressive with his bets. Ultimately he bet on himself and it paid off big time.

This isn't to suggest that the “Go Big or Go Home!” type of philosophy is infallible. Sometimes you get stuck with the “17th Century Opera Directors” category and no matter how much bluster you can muster, if you don't know the answer, you don't know the answer. But, I'd have to imagine that a majority of the contestants on this show have enough knowledge to wager on themselves a bit more than they do now. You are literally playing with house money and the third-place contestant walks away with $1000 and the second-place contestant gets $2000. I have seen episodes when the “winner” has a $500 pot, meaning that the third-place contestant goes home with more cash in their pocket.

BTW, the image above is from the "Jeopardy!" slot machine that are in hotels all over Las Vegas and Atlantic City. The irony of having a slot machine juxtaposed with "Jeopardy!" is so great that I'm not even going to list the reasons. You all are smart enough (you're reading my Blog, of course you are), so you can make a list yourself.

The one thing that I don't particularly love is the show's one constant, Alex Trebek. I can't tell whether Trebek is a nice guy or a douche. I would probably lean towards the former because he's had fun with his image on “Cheers”, “The Simpsons” and “Saturday Night Live”. This leads me to believe that if he was half the jerk on the show as he is in real-life, he wouldn't lend himself to those things.

Having said that, on the show he is so pompous and awkward—which is a very strange combination that not too many people can pull off.

The pomposity comes with “knowing” more than the contestants. Of course, it's easy to “know” more than the contestants when you're holding the answers, aren't on television for the first time and aren't risking money.

“Sorry. The answer we were looking for was stalagmites. Not stalagtites. Big difference.”

From his cadence (a sing-song whisper, sort of like how you pay your respects to a family member at a funeral) to his faint Canadian accent (those bastards are supposed to be friendly!) to that little noise he makes before giving the answer (it's like he's sucking a small bit of spit through his teeth) Trebek is a subtle ball-buster. And one that you really can't call out, which I'm sure makes it more infuriating for the contestant.

This would be the scene at my house, if I was watching myself on TV:

Trebek: “No. Sorry. We were looking for the Hubble Telescope.”
Me (watching TV): “There! Did you see that! What an asshole!”
Aly (watching with me): “He said that you were wrong, and you were!”
Me: “No. That's not the point, he did that sucking sound. He thinks he's better than me!”
Aly: “He didn't do that. You're mad because you got that wrong.”
Me: “No I'm not! He's mocking me! MOCKING ME!”
Aly: “I'm going to bed.”

Don't even get me started about the unpardonable sin of not answering in the form of a question. Trebek does not like this move at all and will bring the wrath of Merv Griffin down on anyone who is unfortunate enough to forget the game's quirk.

But for all of his superiority, the dude can not make small talk with the contestants. At all. I understand that most of these people aren't the lives of the party, but Trebek has been doing this show for some time. He has to have figured out how to get the turtle out of its shell. Each interview is always the same thing:

Trebek (reading off the card*): “Uhm, says here that you like to pick lint from your navel and examine it through a high powered microscope?”
Contestant: “Yeah. That's right Alex. Lots of fascinating things to find in lint!”
Trebek: “That's one hobby that won't go belly up!”

The little pun or joke at the end usually confuses the contestant or makes them so uncomfortable that they either laugh like a moron or grin like a buffoon.

* The reading off the card thing is a complete dick move. All he has to do is make 20 seconds of small talk with these people. He doesn't have the time to memorize one fact about each person? Come on, this is simple and it would be a nice gesture to make these people feel like human beings. God, that really pisses me off about Trebek.

And to top it off, he shaved off his iconic mustache. What kind of self-respecting Canadian shaves off his mustache? Next thing you know he'll hate hockey, socialized medicine and Celine Dion. It really bugged me that he shaved off his mustache, much like when I was a kid and my dad shaved off his 'stache. I don't think that I have daddy issues with Alex Trebek, but both Mike Magrane and Trebek need the soup strainer. It's who they are.

So essentially this show is a complete 180 of anything that I like from the rest of this list and the show's host gives me anxiety. Why wouldn't this be one of my favorites?*

* And yes, that ending line was placed in the form of a question on purpose.

My Mnemonic Device

Everyone has a mnemonic device to remember the spelling of words or the way that unrelated letters stack up. For example, I'll never forget how to spell Adidas sneakers because of the grade-school acronym: All Day I Dream About Sports (or Sex for those who were a bit more advanced). Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge has been used by amateur musicians to remember the ascending line of the G clef for years.

I have recently come up with my own mnemonic device that will launch me into anonymous fame. Check it out and see if you can figure out what I'm trying to remember!

All
Boys
Can
Do
Everything
Fairly
Good.
However
It's
Just
Knowing
Like-
Minded
Naval
Officers
Por (Spanish for 'for')
Quality
Restaurants.
Same
Thing,
Using
Visuals
Without
X-raying
Your
Zebra

See how those three sentences simply roll off the tongue? And how about the sneaking of a foreign word in there? That's advanced mnemonics, my friends—you learn two languages at once!

Spread this one around and don't forget to forget who told you about it.

With Apologies to Tom Petty or Cleveland (and Pittsburgh) Rock!

I like Tom Petty's music. A lot. Not enough to go out and buy all of his albums, or go to one of his concerts or even go to his web site. But I like him enough that I bought his greatest hits CD and if one of those hits come on the radio, I listen. That's not a backhanded compliment because there are hundreds of songs that I own that when they come on the radio, I change to find something better.

So while I am a Petty supporter, this is a long way of saying that his song “The Waiting is the Hardest Part” isn't really true. I love the anticipation of any big event—even more than the event itself. *

* The weird thing about the second half of that title “Cleveland Rocks” is that it's the theme song to the “Drew Carey Show”, which isn't strange in and of itself. Carey is originally from Cleveland and the show is set there. What is strange is that the President of the United States (you may remember them from such mid 90s songs as “Lump” and “Peaches”) are from Seattle. I was always a bit dismayed that Carey didn't get a band from Cleveland to sing about the city. The Presidents (or POTUSA as the hip kids of the 90s called them—ed note: Not true) did a good job, but where was Nine Inch Nails or Pere Ubu or Bone Thungs-N-Harmony? For shame, Drew Carey.

When I was a kid I'd get myself so worked up for Christmas that I'd end up running into my aunt's annual Christmas Eve party and puking all over the place. Then I'd pass out until after midnight when my parents would have to wake me up and drive me home. The thing that made this wait even longer was that I'd be up for the rest of the night wondering about what was under the tree and plotting intricate ways of going downstairs without my parents catching me.

As I've gotten older, this anticipation jones hasn't waned. A few weeks ago I was dying for a vacation, I had been working really hard at work and the endless monotonous string of waking up early, going to bed late-ish, punch-in, punch-out was starting to wear me down. The one thing that was keeping me moving forward was the promise of one whole week off. What we ended up doing is irrelevant, because after it came and went, I was really disappointed bordering on depressed because my vacation was over and I had nothing left to anticipate.

When I got to the office the Monday after vacation I opened my calendar and remembered this week coming up. At the end of this week, myself and two of my friends (Ryan and Andrew) are going on an old-fashioned road trip to Cleveland, Ohio and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania ... or as Aly likes to call it, “Arm Pit Tour '09”.*

* I wonder if Aly knows that there's half a pun in her joke (Pit = Pittsburgh)? I doubt it because she doesn't particularly like puns. But since she's been with me long enough to subliminally make bad jokes. I wonder if that would be grounds for divorce, like if Sara Silverman married Dane Cook and all of a sudden she turned into a really crappy standup. I wonder if a judge would rule in her favor for a subliminal destruction of a career?

Anyway the reason why we're going to these places is because we want to check out the cities' ballparks. I've been to 14 different parks so far and each time I get a chance to see a new one, I transform back into that little kid who was amped up for Christmas day. I'm not sure why I completely geek out over things like this because baseball parks are pretty much the same. There are some uniqueness in the structures and the areas outside of the stadium are different, but there's something more to it and I can't quite place my finger on it.

I think that the bottom line is that I really enjoy travelling and I love baseball. Going to a game in a new city is the best way for someone like me to check out a new city, wade hip-deep into the “real people” of the region and watch a ball game unfold. This week we're seeing the Indians host the Mariners and the Pirates play the Reds. Most of these games are low-stress and the thing that I love about baseball is that there's a good chance of seeing something that you've never seen before.

And since it's 70's Night in Pittsburgh (we're missing the Pirates giving out those old, old-school Pirates pillbox hats by a day) KC and the Sunshine band will be playing a concert after the game. Get down tonight, indeed.

Progressive (nee Jacobs) Field in Cleveland is supposed to be a really nice park. It was one of the first of the retro parks that were built in the early 90s and has a bunch of quirky outfield angles and awesome sight lines. Plus, the Sox have had so many memorable games there, it almost seems like going there would be like visiting a historic sight.

Pittsburgh's PNC Park is the crown jewel of this tour though. A debate rages between AT&T Park in San Francisco and PNC as to which is the best baseball stadium in the United States. I've seen the Giants play in person and it is an awesome stadium, right on the Bay, modern but with a hint of old-timeyness; it really is a tremendous place to catch a game. I want to see how it fairs against Pittsburgh.

Many people have said that PNC Park is the real deal and that the only bad thing is the team that plays there. And that doesn't make a difference to me, as I've always had a special love for the Pirates for some reason. Also Sports Illustrated ran a survey last month about the lowest prices for beers and food, Pittsburgh had both.

The most stressful thing about this trip isn't the long drive—I've been told it could take us 10 hours to get to Cleveland—but the weather. I've been obsessively checking weather.com for the week's forecast and it looks like it's going to be the same for both cities: a 40% chance of scattered thunderstorms. I'm trying to buoy my spirits by saying that this means there is less than half a chance of rain. It's going to be “scattered” which I suppose also means that it won't be raining all the time. And perhaps the rain won't start coming down until after the game or way before it.

This is the intrinsic problem when planning a trip based around an outdoor sporting event, but it hasn't dulled my anticipation for Thursday. I'm looking forward to visiting a new city, I'm looking forward to visiting some new parks, I'm looking forward to seeing the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame, the Great Lakes Brewery, the Andy Warhol Museum, and eating a Primanti Brother sandwich. I'm looking forward to going to Morton's in each city—Andrew loves Morton's like I love baseball and it's his dream to one day go to every single restaurant.

Hell, I'm even looking forward to the drive out there.

What I'm not looking forward to is next Monday morning, after I come back from the adventure and only have the next few months of work to anticipate. I've literally have been looking forward to this excursion since a cold, January afternoon when I was knee-deep in snow and dreaming about the summer. Now that the day is almost here I want to savor the wait, let it roll around in my brain and let me dream of things to come.

Change That We Can ALL Believe In

If I was the President of the United States, I would probably push for any canceled television shows that I loved to be put back on the air.

"Undeclared"
"Freaks and Geeks" (poor Seth Rogen would have to do double duty)
"Seinfeld" (though I'd be ok with the reunion that is supposed to occur on "Curb Your Enthusiasm")
Either the "Larry Sanders Show" or "It's Garry Shandling's Show" (both were awesome)
"Mr. Show"

Maybe, just for kicks, I'd see if Jerry Mathers could squeeze into his jeans and baseball cap to recreate Beaver Cleaver. That would be funny. Then I'd probably make him dance and throw nickels at him, yelling, "This displeases Hugh Beuamont" until he broke down in tears.

I would broadcast this every week on Pay-Per-View , with a new celebrity of course, until we got enough money to solve the deficit.

But I would definitely make it my mission to get "Arrested Development" back on TV. And if Michael Cera didn't want to do it, I'd excommunicate him.*

* I know that excommunication can only be done by the Pope, but it would be a modern miracle if I ended up as President, so I may as well go the whole nine yards and become the world's first Pope/President.

Anyhow, Cera would be living the rest of his life in Liberia or Burma (or is it Myanmar now?) or maybe the Arctic Circle until he wised up.

But this sort of thing happen--not the excommunication of Michael Cera--command performances by the wealthy and powerful.

When Michael Jackson died, I read an interview with Carrie Fisher, who was one of his buddies and she spoke about what a loving father the man was. As an example of his love, she said that Jackson's kids were crazy for "Star Wars" and one Christmas, as a surprise to them, Jackson asked Fisher to come over and act out a few scenes.

And she did it!

What scenes did she reenact? Did she do the Jaba, metal bra one? Did she put her hair in those space cinabuns for the kids? Did she tell Mark Hammil to quit watering her lawn for the day and come and help her out?

Can you even imagine being that insanely rich or powerful that you could call Carrie Fisher or some other actor or actress and have them come over to your house on Christmas day and recite lines from one of their movies? Of all the things I read about Jackson after his death, that's the one that stopped me in my tracks.

Elephant man bones? Meh.
Secret room in his closet he used to stash kids? Figures.
He had no nose because of all the plastic surgery and needed to wear a prosthetic--that may or may not have been stolen from the morgue the day he died? Weird, but ... no. That's really weird.

But the Carrie Fisher thing made me think that even though the guy lived the life of a pariah for the last two decades of his life, he still had a ton of influence. I wonder how much he paid her. I mean, he had to pay her, right?

And here's the thing, I know why Jackson's kids had no friends; there's no way that their parents could ever top any thing Michael Jackson did.

It's like that scene from "The Simpsons" where Homer goes to Krusty Klown Kollege* and becomes a regional Krusty. Unbeknownst to the Millhouse family, they hire him thinking that they got the real Krusty. Bart knows different, which leads to perhaps one of the greatest exchanges in Simpsons history:

Millhouse: Surprised Bart? My dad got Krusty the Klown for my birthday.
Bart: Oh. I'm sure I could do that too.
Millhouse: I don't know Bart, my dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory.

In other words, no matter how big of a wheel your dad is at his cracker factory, you're not going to beat Michael Jackson.

* This episode had so many awesome lines and was so good, yet no one talks about it. It's criminally underrated.**

** BTW, my wife hates my asterisk interludes, but I like them a lot. Sorry honey.

So if you like my platform, remember: Magrane in 2016! I don't want to run against Obama--I heard he reunited the Sweathogs just so that he could shave Gabe Kapplan's mustache.

Future Memories of Disposable Culture

One of the cool things about having kids is trying to figure out what kind of people that they're going to be in the future. My daughter isn't two-years-old yet, but for some reason I have it in my head that she's going to be a judge. My great-uncle Al was a judge and I always thought that it was a cool profession to have—not cool enough to go to school and do myself; but apparently cool enough to day dream for my daughter.

When I'm not looking at robes and gavels on line, I also wonder whether what she's experiencing now will become some of her treasured nostalgia in the future? There are three things that she is obsessed with at this moment: “Thomas the Tank Engine”, “Clifford the Big Red Dog” and all things “Sesame Street”. For awhile she was digging on “The Wiggles” and “Yo Gabba Gabba”. But like all fads, they fade as the Wiggle craze has been done for about three months and today she wanted no part of YGG, going so far as to yell, “No! No! No!” when DJ Lance Rock started to walk on the screen.*

* Admittedly, I am a bit crestfallen about this new turn of events. Even though there are like 40 episodes of YGG and I've seen them about 50 times a piece, I still like them. The animation is cooler than anything on TV, the bands that they have on each show are pretty good and even their guest stars are funny—the whole experience is like a 23-minute hipster guide on raising a kid. At some point, I'm going to have to figure out how to get Muno, FooFah and the rest of the gang back into our lives.

Anyhow, while I don't expect her to remember all of these shows; ultimately she is going to remember some of them. And how will these memories regurgitate? Will she be in some dorm room in about 18 years wondering whether the creators of Clifford were “really, really high”? Or will she sit around and wistfully recall the emotions and the safety of watching “Sesame Street” with her mom and dad in their bed; seemingly devoid of any problems?

I wonder these things because both scenarios are ones that I have participated on many an occasion.

Drunk (or other altered state) talk rarely gets better than finding a (seemingly) obscure cultural touchstone and examining the hell out of it. Before the Internet, when I was in college, I've had long conversations with relative strangers over the old-school McDonaldland characters (Mayor McCheese, the Big Mac, Cap'n Crook, Grimace to name a few) and why they aren't used in advertising any more.*

* The reason is pretty simple—Thanks Internet!—in the early 70s McDonald's hired Sid and Marty Krofft's company to come up with a bunch of characters that would resemble their popular Saturday morning characters. Or they may have asked to use the characters—like HR Puffnstuff—themselves to sell hamburgers, I forget and I'm too lazy to look it up. Any way the negotiations broke down and McDonald's just decided to rip off the Kroffts with characters that looked similar and put them in nation-wide advertisements that ran nonstop.

Of course this brought a ton of litigation on McDonald's head and they paid off the Kroffts and decided not to use the more egregious examples. Mayor McCheese (who, BTW is a bobblehead on my desk at work) looks almost exactly like HR Puffnstuff. It's hard to see how McDonald's thought that they'd get away with it.

On the surface, talking about these things may seem like nonsense. Who cares whether Hong Kong Phoeey was voiced by Scatman Carouthers and does that mean that HKP had the Shining too? Does it make a difference that Orko was just added to the “He-Man” cartoon so that kids would find the show funny as well as action-packed, even though he had the opposite effect? Maybe the answers to these questions are that it doesn't matter at all, but to people who grew up with this stuff, it does.

And the reason is that despite a technology boom that has theoretically connected more and more people together, we're all still alone. Watching television or movies, listening to music, reading are mostly solitary activities. And while you're doing these things, your mind is at work trying to make sense of it all.

Why the hell can't Cobra shoot straight? Why does the Riddler always tip Batman off? Are My Pretty Ponies really an allusion to the mundane life of Playboy bunnies? (The last question is something that I may explain later—but it will be worth it)

When you are able to find and connect with people who share similar questions about experiences that you have, it's a revelation: I'm not crazy! There are people who think about this stuff too! Bonds are formed, friendships are cast. The disposable culture of one generation is the glue that holds society together.

In another half-generation, the kids of today are going to be talking about the intricacies and hidden meanings behind “Hannah Montana” and “Bob the Builder”, will be convinced that Jeff was probably the gay Wiggle and wonder why everyone in the world of “Thomas the Tank Engine” was incredibly cruel. If we are somehow party to these conversations, we'll probably see it as nothing more than the idiot ramblings of youth.

But it's much more than that.

All I know is that if I'm in front of a judge one day in the very distant future, I'm going to say, “My name is Byron, your honor. I like to dance!” I'm sure that he or she will rule in my favor.

Garfield Was Wrong

Monday isn't the worst day of the week, it's Tuesday. Tuesdays by itself suck enough, but rainy, cold,. grey Tuesdays are depressing as hell.

Aside from being born on a Tuesday, I can't think of anything that I like about Tuesday. “Tuesday's Gone” by the Allman Brothers is a good song, but it's a sad one and it signaled the end of “Dazed and Confused”. Tuesday Weld was pretty good looking, but she was before my time. “Tuesdays With Morrie” is tripe spewed from a guy with hideously deformed ears.

Apparently the Spanish have a saying about Tuesday: “En martes, ni te cases ni te embarques” which means, “On Tuesday don't get married or begin a journey”. The Greeks felt that Tuesday was an unlucky day. And guess which day the stock market crash of 1929 occurred? Yup. Tuesday.

About the only thing interesting that happens on a Tuesday is that its Election Day. And about half the people are pissed off at the results.

I was pondering if there was some good TV on Tuesday, but there usually never is. Back in the early 80s, ABC ran “Happy Days”, “Laverne and Shirley” and “Three's Company” on Tuesday nights. Of course, NBC countered with “The A-Team”, so good luck making that choice. “Moonlighting” was on Tuesday nights, but it was pretty much always a rerun.

Technology has made Tuesdays irrelevant as well as this is the day that CDs and DVDs are released. Who buys CDs and DVDs any more? Not many people, that's who.

The only thing that a Tuesday is good for is pulling the covers up over your head and sleeping until Wednesday.

Searching for the Elusive New England Accent

Aside from a few vacation jaunts to other parts of this country and a few foreign lands, I have lived my entire life in New England. My parents are both from New England, most of my family was born in bred in New England, I married a girl from New England and a majority of my friends are from New England.

These are my credentials.

I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that the New England accent is one of the most elusive creatures on the planet. People from other parts of the country try to mimic our accent when they are acting in movies or television shows that take place here, but they never get it right. Why is that? Why is Hollywood so tone-deaf to a proper New England accent?

It can't be because there aren't a lot of people in California who have never been here; the streets are clogged with people who grew up here or went to college in this area or at least know someone from one of the six states. *

* BTW the accents in these six states differ greatly: Massachusetts is a more guttural—the accent comes from both the gut and nasal cavity, Rhode Island is even more so. New Hampshire and Vermont are a bit more slow and pastoral than the other two with Maine being even more slower and pronounced than its northern brethren.

The then there's Connecticut--the cousin of the region, that married up a level and sort of forgot it's roots—it's a bastardization of the higher society New York way of speaking mixed with the Massachusetts tongue. It's almost hard to categorize Connecticut as a part of New England, it should be part of the New York area, but the farther east you go, the more you can hear the accents.

What prompted this question is that Aly and I are watching a TV series called “Brotherhood”. It's a show that first aired on Showtime—we're checking it out on DVD—that is a dramatization of the real life Bulger brothers, except that it takes place in Rhode Island instead of Massachusetts. Like I said, it's a pretty decent show; though it is a bit overwrought with too much melodrama and the show is forced to be compared to “The Sopranos”.

Though, from Showtime's perspective I think that that is exactly what they wanted. Unfortunately for them the actors in their roles can't touch “The Sopranos” cast on their best days and the stories and characters aren't as smart or as interesting either. But, it's no crime (WORD PLAY!) to not reach “The Sopranos” level, that was truly one of the most amazing shows ever.

Anyway, what brings this show from a solid B average to a C+ is that the accents are so. Fucking. Terrible. People are dropping r's, than picking them back up. One actress can't decide whether she's going to use an Irish brogue or talk like she spent her childhood in South Boston. And when the cast has to emote, it's even worse.

It really snaps the viewer right out of the show. If I was the producer, I would have told the entire cast (because there is not one—not one!—person on this show that can pull off an even passable New England accent) to skip the accents. It was like when Kevin Costner was making “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” back in the early 90s, the story goes that he worked for weeks with a speech coach to try and nail down an English accent and he just couldn't do it.*

* And judging from his role in “JFK”, he couldn't master a southern accent either.

So the movie producers essentially said, “Screw it, do your Kevn Costner trademark midwestern accent and let's make some money.” And they did. On this show, they went for reality and it bit them in the ass.

What's my point? Fair question, and I have a few. One: it's amazing to me that something so small as how your characters talks can actually destroy a movie or TV show. I've always been a proponent of listen to the message, not the messenger because it's more important as to what is being said, than how's it being said. Evidently, this isn't always true.

Second point: I wonder if this sort of thing bothers people from different countries and different regions of the US. Most people are proud of where they came from and completely screwing up the way that a region speaks is a gigantic no-no. Maybe, deep down, we feel that if the actors can't get something as simple (to us natives, anyway) as how we speak then maybe they won't get the complexities of our region correct; thus losing any sort of bond or trust between viewer and artist.

This entry is coming from a person who dropped their Massachusetts accent back in high school because I felt that it sounded ignorant and stupid, plus I wanted to set myself apart from everyone that I knew. And it worked too, there have been times when people have asked me where I'm from and when I proudly tell them Massachusetts, they seem genuinely shocked. Yes, I know that it's completely pretentious, but the only rationale that I have is that teenagers are a pretentious lot.

I do like the way that I speak now and while I may not say anything intelligent, at least it sounds refined (I guess). But, with the way the world is growing smaller and things are becoming more homogenized, maybe a tell tale accent isn't the worst thing in the world. It's like a secret handshake that's hard to master and no matter where you are in this world, if there are New England compatriots around, you can at least ingrain yourself a bit and remind a fellow traveler of home. That's not a bad thing.

The one thing I have found out; your past never fully goes away. Every once in awhile, especially when I'm tired or drunk, I'll slip back into my New England accent, turn a few “R's” into “Ah's”, lose the “G's” from the ends of words. And when I get really excited I'll unconsciously bust out a few “wickeds” into the conversation. And it always hits me: you can drop try your damndest to drop your roots, but they're always going to find you.

The Secrets of Suburbia

As many eagle-eyed 19 Thoughts readers already know, there has been a change here. To the right of this column under the “About Me” heading no longer am I from Brookline, Massachusetts. My new home is where I work: Burlington, Massachusetts. And has been for about a year.

Things have been going pretty well in suburbia. The neighbors are cool, we have a lot more room than our 906 square foot condo and aside from some cosmetic updates, life is good. About three weeks ago we were expecting friends at our place and Aly and I were tidying up before they came by. She noticed that there was a swarm of flying insects in one area of the living room. I sprayed the hell out of them with Raid and was ready to call it a night. However, a new set of bugs came back.

Turns out they were swarmer termites.

We had an exterminatorcome over and look at the house and luckily the infestation was small (about 16-18 inches under the spot in the living room). After we paid to get the place sprayed, things returned to normal.

Or did they?*

*If this was a TV show, right now would be a great time to go to a commercial. But since this isn't a TV show, go get a snack or open another window and check your email. Come back in two and two. That Chuck Woolery speak, my friends.

Things mostly did return to normal, but while in the crawl space the exterminator threw a package of letters wrapped in a plastic bag to me. “I think that these are yours,” he said.

They weren't mine, it looked as if they belonged to the previous owner of the house and were forgotten when he moved out last year. I brought them upstairs to Aly and told her to take a peek at them. After the exterminator left, I went upstairs and found her engrossed in these letters. I thought that they were a collection of old birthday cards. I was wrong.

Apparently, our former owner (Larry) was having a torrid affair with the married woman across the street (Risa). This was a shocking revelation in our little world as all of our neighbors have told us that the folks who lived in our house and the place across the street (both families moved to the same town within six months of each other) were very close.

The letters themselves alternate between bad love-lorn eight grade poetry and rejected letters to Penthouse Forum, but there's an underlying sadness to them all. Risa doesn't love her husband, but doesn't love him enough to escape from her life. She moons for a life with Larry, though I'm not quite sure if Larry feels the same way. There were other letters in this pack from a woman named Carol (or Cathy, I can't remember) plus photographs of a few other women. So it looks to me that Larry was two-timing his side dish.

This sucks for Risa for a number of reasons, the first is she thought that she had found her soul mate. What she really found was an old guy with a raging libido. I'm not going to say that I know Larry, because aside from meeting him once or twice, I don't but if you're juggling multiple women, you're not connecting with them on any level other than physical. Judging by her emotionally raw letters, Risa didn't get this. To her, she was Juliet and Larry was Romeo and their love wasn't stopped by warring families, it was hindered by bad timing. If only she had met Larry sooner, they would be forever happy.

I guess that brings us to the moral of today's entry: can you feel bad for someone that is doing something morally wrong? Risa is cheating on her husband and nailing her best friend's husband. Her children grew up with Larry's children. If this affair comes to light, she's not ruining one life but many. This is a selfish action that is difficult to defend.

But it's hard to paint her as the villain (especially from the limited evidence we have) because from these letters, it seems that she truly loves Larry. But she's just as blind as Larry's wife. If Larry explained to Risa that he's just looking for a little fun and that she was going to be another chick, that would be one thing. However, her letters don't paint that picture.

No matter what situation you're in, it always sucks when you get the wool pulled over your eyes. We've all been there and we can all relate. In that sense, while you may not be an adulterer, you can certainly relate to Risa. That doesn't make her actions any more palatable, but it does humanize them a bit.

On the same subject, but with a bit more humor, I spoke to my next-door neighbor about this discovery and he laughed. A few times he and his wife witnessed Larry almost getting caught by Risa's husband. After Risa's husband would leave for work--Larry's wife was a nurse and was gone early in the morning--Larry would take his cup of coffee and go over to Risa's house.

One day Larry did his morning ritual but Risa's husband must have forgotten something and unexpectedly returned home. My neighbor saw Larry skulking around the back of Risa's house (he must have been aware that her husband was home) and went up to the front door saying loudly, “Hey Bob! What are you doing here? Want to go golfing?” as if nothing had happened.

Cheaters always have funny stories.

It's Like Writing a Bike ... Err ... Riding a Bike

I've been reading more blogs lately and I think that I may be going about it the wrong way; my posts—when I decide to write them—are a bit too long. It seems that most blog posts are a bit shorter and more to the point. People usually update more when they have something small to say rather than go on and on.

So, that's what I'm going to try and do from now on—write shorter posts, but post more. That doesn't mean that I'm going give up my Top 56 TV Shows of All Time, and to make myself a bigger hypocrite, those entries will be just as long as they have been. It's just that if I have a few spare moments, you'll get my thoughts on things other than just television.

I know that this blog has had more changes of direction than a blindfolded pilot, but lately I've missed writing and I wanted to get back to doing so. The problem was I hated confining myself into the TV-only box because I don't have as much time as I used to write and research each post. Then it hit me, become more generalized; as I've been driving around or trying to get some sleep, I've been thinking of some good ideas for (what I hope will be) interesting essays.

I'm still going to try and keep the personal stuff to a minimum, but pretty much everything else is an open book: sports, books, television, movies ... anything that I can think of, I'll write about.

So in the words of Liz Lemon, “I'm back, nerds.”

Two Guys Email Review of: Zack and Miri Make a Porno

About a week to ten days ago, my friend Jamie and I went to see the Kevin Smith/Seth Rogen film "Zack and Miri Make A Porno". We went sorta late (9:00 pm show -- how edgy of me!) so when we left the theater we got into our respective cars and drove home without really discussing the movie.

I like to talk about movies, TV shows, sporting events, books -- any sort of medium a lot. This is obvious because I'm writing a Blog about these sort of things. So, the next day I emailed Jamie and asked him for his thoughts. We went back and forth for a little bit and this is what we had to say.

From: Byron
To: James
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2008 9:28:43 AM
Subject: Zack and Miri

You've had a night to think about it, what's the final verdict?

From: James
To: Byron
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2008 9:44:17 AM
Subject: Re: Zack and Miri

I still like the dialogue of kevin smith moives. I know it sounds like i'm 12 but I get a kick out of hearing new terminology (rudder...Shit! now i forget)


Over all it was a weak story with some pretty funny shit in it. If offensive humor wasn't my thing I probably would have hated the movie. I also felt like I was watching 40yr old virgin 2 becuase of the dialogue and similar actors. I'm also feeling an odd sense that it was missing something, but I don't know what. I can't explain it.

What did you think?

From: Byron Magrane
To: James
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2008 11:36:22 AM
Subject: Re: Fw: Zack and Miri

I liked the flick because I like most of Kevin Smith's stuff and I like Seth Rogen going all the way back to his "Freaks and Geeks" days. However, that's also a reason why I didn't love the flick. It seems like Smith writes the same scripts over and over and over again. And Rogen seems to play the same characters--the sarcastic, nerdy slacker who eventually finds his true calling.

It's really a double-edged sword for me because I like what both guys bring to the table and I'm happy with their work, but it seems like I've seen this movie before. Which is why I agree with you saying that it's like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin Part 2".

I guess that's what Hollywood is all about though, actors/directors get into cycles and don't break them until it's too late. Will Farrell, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen all play their characters. Judd Apatow and Kevin Smith write their same movies. The only thing that really changes is the leading actress.

Having said all that though, Rogen was perfect in the role. I'm not sure if I could see anyone else playing Zack. I guess I'm just conflicted as I liked it, but I wanted more.

BTW, there was a scene after the credits: Zack and Miri get married and start a business: Zack and Miri make your porno.

From: James
To: Byron
Subject: Re: Fw: Zack and Miri
Date: Thursday, November 13, 2008, 12:15 PM

Curses! We should have stayed. I could see it in your eyes - you were itching to get to bed. You make me really want to watch what little of freaks and geeks came out. Which reminds me, that's where that lanky dark haired dude was from in that star wars heist movie we saw the trailer for last night.

I disagree with you about writing the same movie. I think Dogma was different than, say, Clerks or Jersey girl. On the other hand I can see a similar thread running through all of them. I guess that may be what you mean. It's the same thing with all art, I think. When a band comes out with a certain sound the seem to corner that sound. The songs may be different but you can channel surf and know that it's Rush, or Coldplay or Tool by only hearing a second of the song. Picasso's style is the same but the paintings are different.... you get my point.

I also think that them casting the same actors for all the movies they do doesn't help to keep it fresh.

I liked the movie. I'd recommend it to Kim and I will certainly watch the next movie that Kevin Smith does.
What was the Rudder thing called. I'm drawin a blank. I've been thinking about it too hard for too long so I can't even think straight about it anymore.

From: Byron Magrane
To: James
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2008 1:25:44 PM
Subject: Re: Fw: Zack and Miri

I agree that it wasn't like "Dogma" and I never saw "Jersey Girl", but it is very reminiscent of his other flicks, "Clerks", "Mallrats", etc. And my point was mostly about how the dialog is written. Each character has times where they speak in one long monologue, which is ok, but after nine movies, it's sort of predictable.

Like I said, when that technique was first used in "Clerks" I thought it was brilliant. Now, it's getting pretty stale.

But you're 100% right about artists/bands having the same overall theme but riffing on that theme. And that's what I was trying to get across in my last email and what's got me so confounded about this movie. I like what Smith and Rogen have done. I went into the movie expecting exactly what I got. I don't think that I would have it any other way. But, yet I'm still a little disappointed. I thought that the movie could've been a bit more.

I don't think that the each man was lazy when it came to his craft, I just wished that they tried something different. You brought up an awesome point though, hiring the same actors to play essentially the same roles doesn't help. I'm not really a huge Jason Mewes fan, so maybe his role could've been taken by a different actor. I do like Randal though, but truthfully, they should have used a different actor for him too.

BTW, the answer to your questions:

1. The stringy guy in "Fan Boys" was the lead in "Undeclared" which was essentially "Freaks and Geeks" part two. BTW, it's an awesome show. Get it. He was also in "Knocked Up" and that movie "Million Dollar Baby".

2. And the move was the Dutch Rudder.

And that's that. Are you more or less informed?

34.Original Adult Swim

At the dawn of time, man did not possess the power of automatically taping his favorite television programs and watching them whenever he felt. Thus, if a program aired during the later hours of a night before that man was to wake early, two choices had to be made: stay up late, watch the show and be tired the next day or skip the program entirely. *

* Of course, the man could buy a VCR that taped on a timer, but as stand-up comedians have told us time and time again, these things are IMPOSSIBLE to figure out.

This is the backdrop of the four 15-minute shows that were began airing on Adult Swim, a late-night block of cartoons on Cartoon Network, in late 2000. The four shows are: “Sea Lab 2021”, “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” (ATHF), “The Brak Show” and “Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law” and they usually began airing at about 11:30 at night. For a late 20-something-year-old with a 9-5 job the shows had to be pretty good to get me to watch them.

Fortunately, they were. As an aside all four had awesome opening themes that were distinctively different but awesome in each sense.

Each show was different, but they all shared the same surreal, absurdest type of humor where continuity means nothing (except in certain cases) and absolute destruction of the characters or their homes was usually the punch line and ending to a majority of the episodes (except for Harvey Birdman).

“Sea Lab 2021” was a continuation of the Hanna-Barbera early 1970s eco-friendly and very serious (and quite boring) cartoon “Sea Lab 2020”. In SL2021, a year has past since the crew has been underwater and they have begun to go mad. Usually their madness was started by some ridiculously trivial pursuit by Capt. Hank Murphy and ended in the total destruction of Sea Lab. In the initial episodes, cells and frames from the old cartoon were used and manipulated with new dialogue and story lines. These were a lot more cutting and crude than the benign originals and were a terrific send up of the placid, boring (I mentioned that it was boring before, right?) original.

“The Brak Show” also took a chapter from an old Hanna-Barbera character, the space-cat pirate arch enemy of Space Ghost, Brak. In this program, Brak was reimagined as a typical naïve sitcom son with a wholesome 1950's-style mother (who looked like him) and a miniaturized Spanish father that sounded a lot like Ricky Ricardo and gave terrible advice. Brak was joined by another Space Ghost villain, Zorak, who is a gigantic preying mantis with the personality of a psychopathic Eddie Haskell. Each episode centered around Brak getting involved in various sitcom-esque scrapes and getting out of them by strange and often violent means.

“Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law” was probably my favorite show of the four. Like Sea Lab and Brak, the vaults of Hanna-Barbera were mined and there the creators found a fairly lame, late 1960s hero—Birdman—had him retire and transformed him into an over eager defense attorney. Instead of faceless clients, Birdman would defend Hanna-Barbera characters against very adult charges—such as Shaggy and Scooby Doo getting busted for marijuana or Fred Flintstone being the head of an organized crime syndicate. Villains from the original Birdman show would play the opposing prosecuting attorneys and judges. In this series, continuity mattered more than the other three.

“ATHF” is probably the most popular of the four original shows (a movie and two video games were made of the series) and centered around three anamorphic burger stand foods: a shake (Master Shake), a box of french fries (Frylock) and a meat patty (Meatwad) and their next door neighbor, Carl. Master Shake was the antagonist of the program and his obnoxious demeanor was the one that fueled the show's adventures, whether it was cruelly picking on Meatwad or finding another get-rich-quick scheme. Frylock was the conscious of the group, while Carl and Meatwad were the pathetic recipients of Shake's insane plots.

I'm going to look at these shows through one prism, as going through show-by-show-by-show is a bit time consuming. As a whole, the first two seasons of each of these shows are awesome, some of the greatest examples of absurd comedy that you're going to find. It featured a few retro-cool voices that were able to take shots at themselves (the real voice of “Fred” played Fred in the Shaggy and Scooby get busted episode of “Harvey Birdman” and Erik Estrada constantly poked fun at himself as one of the main characters on “Sea Lab”) and there were a lot of comedians who lent their voices to various characters (David Cross in an episode of “ATHF” and Stephen Colbert in “Harvey Birdman”). The shows all stayed really close to their original ideas and while the plots could be considered “out there” there was some tether to a sort of reality.

Another thing that all four of these shows had going for them is the references to pop culture. They all seemed to strike on the askew side. For example, "ATHF" had an episode built around a belt that contained the powers of the forgettable "super group" Foreigner. Hip hop and other "slacker" touchstones, not normally woven into other shows, were prominently featured in the many of these cartoons. It's as if the producers were one of us.

As the seasons went on and stories and plot lines were becoming harder and harder to come by and experimentation was growing, many of these shows began to lose their way. The first show that saw a downgrade in quality was “The Brak Show”. This show was originally centered on Brak and Zorak, his father (simply named Father) was used as comic relief through his non sequiturs of advice but was never the main star. Somewhere between the second and third seasons, the roles shifted and Father became the star and Brak was more of a supporting character. Like Ari Gold in “Entourage”, too much Father became a bad thing and the series limped to a close, hardly resembling the original show.

This also happened with “Sea Lab 2021” when the producers decided to abandon taking the old cells from “Sea Lab 2020” and synching up new dialog. Instead they created new animation that had its pros and cons. The main trade-off was that the characters were able to get into new situations outside of what H-B originally had done, but I'd argue that was made the original seasons so interesting. It was cool to see what the producers could do with such a lame show. Also, Barry Groz, who did the voice for their best character Capt. Murphy passed away during the show's run and was replaced by his real-life son who did a completely different character. This character never really seemed to fit into the crew and the show was cancelled a season later.

As far as “ATHF” goes, there are a lot of things that are great about the show but now in it's eighth season, things are a bit stale. The characters haven't really changed too much, though the situations are a bit more bizarre. I'd say that out of all four shows, this is the one that broke the tether to some sort of reality and strayed the farthest. And really, there's not a lot of reality when you're watching a show about a talking milk shake, but the pop culture jokes that were rampant in the first few episodes became lost as the series wore on.

“Harvey Birdman” didn't lose its way until maybe the last season, but that's because one of it's stars, Steven Colbert, had to leave the show for his own show, “The Colbert Report”. Also, with over 50 episodes, it seemed as if they were running out of characters to spoof. I'd say that this was probably the most entertaining of all four shows and the one that kept the quality up from the beginning of its run to the end. I'm sure that's not a coincidence.

The one thread that seems to run through all of the shows is that in my perception the quality went down hill as they became more accessible to me. Around the second or third seasons of these series, I got a DVR for Christmas. The first shows I set up to record were these four shows, mainly so I didn't have to stay up until 1:00 am on a Monday morning to watch a bunch of cartoons. I was now able to watch them whenever I felt like it.

I guess that some of the shine was taken off when watching these programs in the light of “normal hours”. Also around this time, more and more people were finding out about them and enjoying them. Every person who “finds” a band or television show feels a twinge of sadness when the “mainstream” finds out about them. And eventually the sadness turns to a form of bitterness when “original” fans lecture to the newbies that things aren't the same as they used to be.

The fact is, maybe they are still the same—the viewer is the one that has seen his tastes and life change. By the time I stopped watching the first runs of these shows, I wasn't a slacker bachelor living in a Wakefield apartment with two other guys that I had never met before. I was a married man with a wife and a career. Wondering whether a french fry would fire lazers at a robotic rabbit (called Rab-bot) was getting to be the furthest thing from mind.

That being said, those cartoons are still being recorded on my DVR and every once in awhile, when I'm feeling nostalgic for a time where I didn't have as many responsibilities, I'll watch them. And if it's the first few seasons, you bet that I'm going to laugh my ass off. Because these aren't just shows about space cat pirates or insane members of an underwater laboratory, it's an often overlooked part of life—those strange, confusing years between college and marriage.

EDIT: The last two entries have been about shows that I once liked and now found fault with. I've been thinking about these past two entries and their negativity for a few days now, and it hit me why I'm being so uber-critical. It has to do with a lot about what I referred to in the pervious paragraph.

The reason why I like these shows is because they mean something personal to me, not in the specific “this-episode-was-so-awesome” or these characters are the best,. When I watch an old episode of “Entourage” or “SeaLab 2021” it takes me back to a time when I was just married or I was a person without a clear future. It's a nostalgic trip to the recent past where I get to relive a good part of my life.

Lots of people have this sort of nostalgic, moment in time connection with music and I have it with television. Every show on this list is a mile marker for a point in my life. As I still pass these markers, I can still see the chipped paint or their irregular shapes as I pass by and I feel that I need to point them out. The ones in the past, I forget about their imperfections and gloss over their inadequacies, instead remembering them in an ideal—almost perfect—form.

I'm sure when I revisit this list in a few years, I induct new shows and raise current shows on to a pedestal of perfection. So please take any new criticisms with a grain of salt.