Thursday, September 17, 2009

Old Larry King Column or Denver! HELLO!

A few years ago I thought it might be funny to write a few paragraphs the way that Larry King used to write his Monday USA Today column during the 80s and 90s. I thought that this was a particularly good effort on my part. It was written at the end of January, 2007 which explains the first joke (Superb Owl = Super Bowl).

If I was running Animal Planet, this Sunday I'd have a marathon devoted to owls. I'd call it the Superb Owl ... There were a lot of great men in this world, but no one compares to Hugh Beaumont ... Someone should tell the Memphis Grizzlies that the NBA season started in November ... Do you think that Al Kaline's father was a fan of batteries ... You're right, that joke should've stayed in AA ... When Hollywood had Ann Jillian, well, it was a better place ... G. Gordon Liddy knows a lot about origami ... Slinkies make terrible toys for kids who live in ranch houses ... The world wide web is a wondrous place ... Al Jolsen ruled the American psyche like no one else. Why aren't there more song and dance men like him ... True fact: the person who created the typewriter also came up with alphabet soup ... I wouldn't mind being in Kabul today, it's over 98 degrees ... My father said that when owning a business or having sex, always pay the person what they're worth ... John Mayer reminds me of a young Pat Boone ... You can have Hurricane Katrina, for my money the greatest natural disaster was the great Boston Molasses flood ... Where have you gone Harley Race ... Dick Tracy or Underdog? Who is this nation's greatest crime fighter ... Kids today wouldn't know a record store from a CD shop ... When is Spike Lee coming out with "XI" ... Chimneys are the brownstones of wealthy birds ... I'm looking forward to the season's first Randy Johnson and Gred Maddux match up ... The way I hear it, stained glass windows were the results of fraudulent Catholics ... How come no one has cronies any more? All I hear about are posses ... You show me a librarian and I'll show you someone who was bullied as a kid ... A watch is just a timepiece without a fob ... Why do they call it software when it's so hard to get onto your computer ... I sounded like Henny Youngman on that one ... See you soon.

I'm probably going to do this and bring back the Aquaman blogs in the coming weeks.

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