Thursday, March 23, 2006

Presenting the STARfish of the show … Aquaman!

We interrupt the normal flow of 19 Thoughts to bring you a very important message from our exiled King of the Deep, Aquaman. BTW, if you’re looking for the article about this week’s strip, it’s under this one and if you’re looking for the pop culture article, it won’t be up until Sunday.

For fuck’s sake, it’s been a long-ass time since I last spoke to all y’all, but the twerp that runs this site has kept me on a very short leash. Each week, I write out a brand new Blog entry and each week that jerkoff doesn’t put it on his precious site. Something about “too many curses” and “no sentence or paragraph or entry structure”.


What I have to tell you guys today is way more important than any beef I have with a mouthbreather like Magrane. I was just “surfing” (get it?) the Internet the other day and I “found” a tidbit of information that surprised me and will shock the shit out of your bowels. Guess who the WB (or CW or whatever they’re calling it these days) is making a TV show about?

ME! That’s right. The King of the Deep is about to become the King of the Silver Screen.

You can check out the announcement in Variety right here:


I am so pumped up, I can hardly breathe, which is good because I’m underwater as I type this. But, can you believe it? I’m going to be a TV star. I wonder if they want me to do all of the acting? I can act you know as I’ve had at least three different cartoons on television already.

And I do a perfect James Cagney … mostly because I call everyone a “Mug”, just like Cagney. Check it out, “Yeah … yeah. See hear you mugs, I’m in charge of this city now. Yeah. Yeah.” Perfect. Just perfect.

I wonder if they contacted my agent? They had to have, right? I mean, I checked when they wrote this story and it was in November of last year. So the phone should be ringing off da hook (that’s how they talk in California, which is where Hollywood is). Check out this part of the article:

“As with "Smallville," their successful reinvention of the "Superman" saga, producers Al Gough and Miles Millar plan to focus on character rather than cheese. (The show) won't be called "Aquaman" -- indeed, the "A" word won't even be mentioned -- and Curry "won't be talking to fish or riding a seahorse," Gough said.”

For all you that don’t know, Arthur Curry is my surface name, Aquaman is my real name. I wonder what they’re talking about the “A” word. I bet it means assface or asshole or something. I say those words a lot, but if I’m going to be on TV, I won’t be able to. Standards and practices (not to mention the FCC) is something that I have to get used to!

And I’m glad that they’re going to focus on characters and not cheese. Maybe I can see if Aqualad and Tusky, my trusty walrus buddy, will be able to join the show. As much shit as I give these two clowns, they could use some extra cash. As long as they realize that I’m the show, not them. Maybe I can see if they can hangout in the background. That seems like a cool thing to do.

The one thing I don’t like is the not riding of seahorses or talking to fish. For one thing, fish are about the smartest creatures in the world. You know why? Because they’re always in school! Ha! I hope they let me do some jokes on the show like that. I am really fucking funny, especially when I’m drinking. Drunk or sober though, I bet that I’ll get some awesome bad guys to fight. Like tuna poachers or Black Manta or dudes that swim less than an hour after eating.

This is going to be the tits. Speaking of which, can you imagine all of the tail I’ll pull? Dude, when the Flash had his own shitty show on CBS in the early 90s, he used to get a ton of the poon. I mean, he was swimming in it, but the problem is he’s not called the Flash because he can run fast. There was a line of chicks a mile long who were disappointed in Wally West.

Good thing that the Big A knows how to treat the ladies. I know what you’re thinking, “Aquaman, you’re already super hot looking and have a wife, what’s up with her?” First off, thanks for thinking of that and second, Mera is just going to have to understand that whatever happens in Hollywood is done to further my career. You wouldn’t believe how many chicks there are out there and I figure if I nail enough of them, at least one of them has to be a head of a studio somewhere.

The Big Picture, amigos, keep your eyes on the prize.

And don’t worry true-believers, I am going to be bringing you all with me on this little adventure? How? I will send a shout out in secret code every week to this little forum. Maybe I’ll talk about the 19 girls that I had sex with or the 19 times that I won the ultimate jackpot in Vegas. Who knows, but when you hear the number 19, remember, I’m thinking of you.

Ok, I gotta go, I’ll have my people call your people (another Hollywoodism) and hopefully I can come back to this place and write a bit more. Until then, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the STARS, fish that is!