Back in March and April of this year I was counting up my favorite baseball teams on Facebook in anticipation of The Real National Hot Dog Day. I thought that it might be a good idea to keep them here for posterity. Here are the second group of teams along with the FB introductions.
23.
I started down the road to nostalgia city and ended up taking a left turn and finding myself at fuck these stupid fucking owners they're all greedy asshole pigs village.
The Reds bring up a lot of conflicting emotions.
We are 23 days away from the The Real National Hot Dog Day and to celebrate, we're counting up, Shadoe Stevens style, my favorite baseball teams.
When I was a kid I thought that if a team beat you in the Championship game, they were automatically your rivals for the rest of your life. I believed this for an embarrassingly long time, but in my defense I grew up when the Celtics played the Lakers in the Finals seemingly every other year so I thought that's how it was in all sports.
It really isn't.
But for a long time, I had a hair across my ass for the Cincinnati Reds (and the Mets and the Cardinals times two). How dare these barbarians from Ohio march onto the holy Elysian field that is Fenway Park and snatch our prize from us? How dare they not allow St. Carl Yastrzemski and Fred Lynn and Jim Rice and Rico Petrocelli and Bill Lee and Dwight Evans and the rest of that beautiful 1975 team not achieve their ultimate goal?
This loss happened when I was one year and one month old, so I took it very personally.
Fast forward to 1990 and these Ohio assholes did the same thing to my backup favorite team (who were really my favorite team at the time -- shhhhh, don't tell anyone!) the Oakland Athletics. I thought that the A's were going to curbstomp the Reds. Not only were they lucky, but they weren't even the best team in the National League that year (I liked the Pirates too).
But behind Jose Rijo and Billy Hatcher and the Nasty Boys and a bunch of other dudes, the Reds swept the A's. I remember sleeping at my buddy's house during Game One and being in utter shock that the Reds won that one. I must've been a puddle a week later.
In any event, it's monumentally stupid to feel this way. Players go and try to win championships because that's what they do. Rarely is it personal. And if it is personal there's probably a good reason. The people who take losing the championship the worst aren't the players, but the fans. Again, that's dumb.
This is a long road to say the Reds are kinda cool. A few years ago I went to their new ballpark and it was hot as balls, but really nice. The fans around us were cool, there were plenty of places to get suds and it was a good take. I think I know two or three Reds fans and they're nice too. We obviously don't agree on Pete Rose, but that's okay, if I loved the Reds, I doubt that I'd be rational too. 
MLB bathes itself in tradition, when it wants too. But when that tradition comes into contact with making money, MLB tosses that old timey shit out the window. For decades, the Reds used to be the first game of the season. They'd have a parade, play about an hour earlier than the other games and it was a thing.
It's not a thing any more and MLB is constantly and consistently moving away from those little things that made the sport great and unique. I've referred to it as "baseball weirdness" and MLB seems to think that people like it when that baseball weirdness is sanded down and streamlined.
I wish that the Reds still had the first baseball game of the season and I also wish that the Reds would be good again. Their owner, like most owners, is a major problem. He's antagonized the fan base, he's cut the payroll to nil and he just doesn't give a shit anymore.
I'd like them to be good because this city has supported this team since 1869 and they deserve a good team. And more kids need to hate this team when they beat their favorite team in the World Series.
If you know the dude, please tell their shithead owner that good teams bring in more money. Also tell him that this team deserves to be kicking off the season every year like they used to. And tell him to bring back this psychotic looking logo below. Or you know what? just tell him to sell the fucking team already and go live on an island.
22.
My entry on the Cubs begins with a deep confession and ends with a commentary on who deserves what.
BTW this Cubs logo slaps.
Is slaps still something that the kids say? Why the hell am I asking you this question, you're still on Facebook.
We are 22 days away from the The Real National Hot Dog Day and to celebrate, we're counting up, Shadoe Stevens style, my favorite baseball teams.
Here goes.
I didn't want the Cubs to win the 2016 World Series. In fact, I was more than a little bummed out that Cleveland lost.
I know. I know. I'm a worse person than if Hitler and bin Laden had a baby. But I never bought into the whole, if you don't live in St. Louis, the Cubs should be your second favorite team because they're lovable losers thing. I don't know, is that a thing? Because I feel that it is.
The Cubs seemed to be that team that everyone always pulled for them to win. They had a cute name! They had an even cuter nickname: the Cubbies! They played in Chicago! They had fun fans! They had a fantastic announcer! Their games were during the day and they were at Wrigley Field! They lost with panache! Their fans weren't always whining about curses and how because they lost god doesn't love them (looks in mirror, wipes tears).
They were just a fun, flukey franchise that brought the joy of baseball where ever they roamed.
But I still wanted them to lose. Not horribly or anything. Not in a gruesome, knife twisting, Dante's Infereno-esque sort of turmoil that would reduce the Windy City to a pile of nuclear radiated ashes. But I just wanted Cleveland to win that Series.
Up until that point, that city hadn't won shit. The Browns left and something resembling that franchise came back to town via Stephen King's Pet Semetery. The Cavs got their heart ripped out of their chests when LeBron took his talents to Miami. The Barons never got off the ground. And the Guardians (nee Indians) had been punched in the proverbial nuts dozens and dozens of times.
Chicago? The Bears won the 85 Super Bowl. The White Sox won the 2005 World Series. The Black Hawks were in the midst of a dynastic run that would see them win three Stanley Cups. Do I have to mention the Bulls? Six titles in eight years. Seeing the absolute GOAT play every night for more than 15 years. Now you want the Cubs to win?
Come on, guys. I know it was 108 years but look at the success of your other teams. Cleveland should have gotten this one. It was nice, I suppose. I wasn't furious that the Cubs won but it was like adding one more gold coin to a city that has a ton of riches.
Though I will say watching the Cubs crash back to Earth wasn't fun either. I thought that they were going to be a dynasty and that they'd dominate the sport for years. Very strange that it didn't happen. Sorta reminds me of that 85 Bears team that I mentioned. Weird.
21.
I wish that the Cards would use this logo. Three colors. Boom. That's all that's needed.
Speaking of all that's needed, get thee to a grocery store post haste to purchase the sundries needed for the Real National Hot Dog Day. You don't want your bun to be without a wiener!
We are 21 days away from the The Real National Hot Dog Day and to celebrate, we're counting up, Shadoe Stevens style, my favorite baseball teams.
Or at least that's what everyone tells us.
Whenever any sports media person says or writes something like that, it's what's known in professional wrestling parlance as, "cheap heat". You flatter the home crowd by speaking directly to their vanities.
"Oh, these Cardinals fans are so into the game, I saw a bunch of people scoring the game, Bob!"
"The St. Louisians are real baseball fans, they watch every single pitch from beginning to end. No one's looking at their phone here, Bob!"
"The Cardinal faithful are some of the smartest baseball fans in the country. You don't have to explain the double switch to them, Bob!"
Two things:
1. I don't know who Bob is, he's just some made up play-by-play man that the color guy is mindlessly prattling on to.
2. This cheap heat is used pretty much everywhere, so I'm not trying to drag the fine folks of St. Louis.
Buuuuuttttttt, the yokels of St. Louis really tend to thing that this is some badge of honor and that they are different from other fan bases. It's obviously not true, but they think so. It's a bit annoying.
Kinda like the Cardinals in a lot of ways. I don't dislike the Cards per se, but I'm a bit sick of seeing them in the post season year after year after year after year. Let someone else win the NL Central, my dudes. Suck for a few years so we can actually miss you.
That's the amazing thing about the Cardinals they may have gone 23 seasons without a title (1983-2006) but they never truly bottomed out for a long time. They've always been consistently pretty good. They've always had stars and watchable teams, they're a really good franchise.
They're like a baseball metronome.
The one thing that I have to give the Cards is that they change it up every few years, in the 80s they were all about speed and defense. Watching those teams in comparison to the station-to-station Red Sox back then was like watching a team from Venus come down in play. They were exciting and scary.
In the 90s they went all power, all the time with McGwire and company. They didn't win anything, but again, they were a fun ass team to watch.
Since the dawn of the 00s, they've been a more balanced team. They're definitely not as speedy as they were on the turf of old Busch Stadium, but the could run a bit, hit for a lot of power, had superb defense and could pitch too.
It's amazing to me that the Red Sox swept them in 2004, because that was one STACKED team and no one ever mentions it. In fairness because the Sox had just completed the greatest comeback in sports history, but that Cardinals team could've been the fly in the ointment. Look at that roster sometime, they were damn good.
20.
Did I make a mistake and put the Reds too low and the Mets too high? Probably. But the Mets are spending money and that's a good thing.
BTW, have three of the four teams that the Sox lost World Series to pretty close to one another is on-brand for your pal Byron. I guess I carry a grudge even when I say I don't.
We are 20 days away from the The Real National Hot Dog Day and to celebrate, we're counting up, Shadoe Stevens style, my favorite baseball teams.
I like that song because it's corny and goofy and funny, just like the Mets. Aside from the mid 80s, the Mets have always been the franchise that all little siblings can relate to. Once in awhile they excel and do something great, but most of the time they're going to fall on their collective asses.
A real Icarus of a baseball team, a real LOLMets situation.
But it took me a long time to get there with regards to New York's National League franchise. I came of baseball age in that sliver of Mets history when there was no badder (and I mean the Michael Jackson version of the word) team in all of baseball than the Mets. From Gooden to Strawberry to Hernandez to Carter to Dykstra to Wilson, these guys weren't just good.
They were take-two-of-three from every team and burn that city to the ground in their wake. They were baseball playing Vikings. Land bound pirates (not the Pittsburgh variety). Vandals that stormed the city, spat tobacco in your eye and laughed when you got angry. They won, drank, snorted and fucked their way through the mid 80s.
Not only that but they were fun to hate. Those mid 80s Mets seemingly got into more bench clearing brawls than any other team. Their swagger was thick and other teams wanted to knock it down their
throats.
It's amazing (HA PUN!) that the Mets didn't go (much less win) more than World Series during this time, but like I said they drank, snorted and fucked their ways through their prime. Gun to their collective heads, I'm not sure whether they'd say it wasn't worth it.
Once the Mets "dynasty" collapsed, they returned to their historical Metsy ways. They had good teams. They had bad teams. They had teams that grabbed the attention of New York for a bit, they had other teams that were easy to ignore. But eventually they settled back into their plucky upstart team and that's where I like them.
They look really good this year, especially with new owner Steve Cohen breaking necks (of his fellow owners) and writing checks (to just about everyone coordinated enough to play ball). So they could be good this year. And if they got to the Series, depending on who they play, I could see myself rooting for my new favorite baseball squadron the NY Mets, just like Apu.
It's weird to type that. In high school one of my best friends loved the Mets and it used to make me sick. Today we'd say he was trolling because walking around New England in a Mets Starter jacket in 1988 was a "conversation starter".
If you told me then that I'd be writing a Facebook post saying that I'd be a Mets fan under certain circumstances and letting everyone I know know about it, I'm sure I'd say, "What the fuck is Facebook?" Then "Why do my friends give a shit about that?" Then "It's on a computer? Am I nerd in the future?"
"We're all nerds in the future and people like being called that?"
Eventually I'd ask "Why would I root for the Mets? Those guys are a bunch of assholes." Which maybe that's true, Byron from the past, but they're a lot better than a bunch of other assholes you've already written about.
Since I seem to be doing this now, the blue and orange colors of the Mets logo are really cool. They're complementary so their natural repulsion makes for a very vibrant feel. Also this logo is goofy and I love it, all of New York in a baseball. Plus they have cool uniforms (without the black drop shadows) and Mr. Met is a Tier 1 mascot. How could you not love the Mets' whole vibe? The answer is you can't.
19.
Get up! (Everybody's gonna move their feet!)
Get down! (Everybody's gonna leave their seat!)
You gotta lose your mind in DETROIT! Hot Dog City!
Spend a few moments with my 19th favorite baseball team and then go get some hot dogs for the Real National Hot Dog Day.
We are lucky 19 days away from the The Real National Hot Dog Day and to celebrate, we're counting up, Dick Clark style, my favorite baseball teams.
For a team with a ton of Hall of Famers (27! And that's not including eventual HoFers Cabrera, Verlander and Scherzer, dudes who will be knocking on the door like Whittaker and Darrel Evans), they haven't won a lot. I wonder why that's so?
But at the same time, aside from a few years here and there, the Motor City Kitties (I enjoy that nickname) haven't been all that bad either. They're just a middling baseball club that wins some and then loses some.
When I was younger, the Tigs were excellent -- my first non-Red Sox baseball memory is the 1984 World Series between Detroit and San Diego. I don't remember much but I recall the brown, yellow and orange uniforms of the Padres and the all-encompassing blue of Tiger Stadium mixed in with the crisp whites and dark blues of the home team.
Other than that, it seemed like every Tiger I pulled out of a 1986 Topps pack was photographed in a murky dungeon. I got the feeling that Detroit was the United States' answer to London, at least in terms of weather and these poor dudes spent most of their time playing under a constant dark cloud.
It was especially confusing because Magnum himself wore a Tigers cap and he lived in Hawai'i. How could this seemingly dreary team have such a weird real life existence versus their fantasy existence? I thought about that as a kid--I guess I didn't have enough on my mind at the time.
I'd like to see the Tigers win more (not at the expense of the Red Sox, of course). I'm not sure why, but it seems like the good people of Detroit love their team and should be rewarded. I guess you could say that about every fan base, but I'm saying it about the Detroit Tigers.
I have no real strong feelings on the logo, but a few years ago the Tigers decided that the olde English D on the front of their home jerseys had to match the olde English D on their hats. I'm usually very down with keeping things orderly (the Yankees have three different versions of the interlocking N and Y) but I don't like this type of housecleaning at all. I wish that they'd go back to the different Ds. Or they might get some other Ds.
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