Two Guys Talking Tiger

Back in October I posted a piece called “Two Guys Email Review of 'Inglorious Basterds' “ with my friend Jamie. Today my friend Nick emailed me asking my thoughts on tomorrow's press conference where Tiger Woods addresses the media about his adultery for the first time.*

* I was getting a bite to eat earlier today and as I was driving to Burger King, I happened to hear the SportsHub's (Boston's new-ish sports radio station) mid-day anchor Gary Tanguay say that tomorrow's press conference is going to be as big as the moon landing. He went on to say that kids (yes, literal children) are going to huddled around the television set or “their iPhones” (direct quote) watching this press conference. Really? Are you fucking kidding me? Tiger Woods gets caught having sex—consensual, straight sex with an adult woman—and is going to apologize for it and this is bigger than MAN LANDING ON THE FUCKING MOON?

And he was absolutely, 100% , no-I-am-not-being-ironic, serious.

This is how Nick and I see it. And yes, I already wrote about this once before.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

So you interested to hear Tiger tomorrow?

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

No.

I have a feeling that I already know what he's going to say. It's not going to be from the heart or honest, it's something that his PR team is meticulously going over right now making sure that there isn't even a
chance that someone can misconstrue what he's saying. Like everything else about Tiger (except the recent troubles) it's going to be airtight.

I would be shocked if he took questions.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I am interested. But I think it will be a joke.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

Do you think that he's going to say anything of any substance?

And BTW, that last email wasn't an indictment against Tiger. I think that most athletes and celebrities don't say anything that hasn't be scrubbed over dozens and dozens of times by professionals. I think that's why when a famous person does say something that doesn't sound scripted we're all legitimately surprised.

Remember when Tom Cruise jumped up on Oprah's couch and told her how he loved Katie Holmes so much? It wasn't that it was a very strange action by a 40-year-old man who has been married twice before, but it was all so obviously choreographed. I mean, I can pretty much remember the exact moment where I figured out that I loved Aly and had a natural outburst of joy. It wasn't something that I could replicate ever again, it was an epiphany.

I doubt that Cruise was sitting on the couch with Oprah, in front of millions of people and just then realized that he was in love with Katie Holmes. It's all fake and these people think that we're morons and will buy anything (which is true for amount of the population) but it's all so insulting to everyone involved.

Tiger knows that he's full of crap, the reporters know that he's full of crap and we know that he's full of crap. But we all just play along and on Sunday's SportsReporters (among other shows) people are going to parse each and every word like he's speaking from the heart. It's a complete sham.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I agree. I would like to think of I was ever famous I would just speak my mind and be honest. Be real.

Sadly I still will cheer for Tiger when he plays. Guess that's not a good thing.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

You wouldn't be able to. The problem with athletes, celebrities, etc is that they're essentially small companies. You know how Coca-Cola doesn't really publicly comment on stuff that doesn't concern them, famous people follow that line too. And like Coke, celebrities have to worry about the public not "buying" what they're selling--which is themselves.

If you give people enough reasons not to see you in a movie, buy your music, etc eventually they're going to take it. And obviously that lessens your net worth and suddenly you tooling around in a Honda and hoping to get picked for Celebrity Apprentice.

It's best to try and be all things to all people and not worry about the small percentage of the population who don't like you because you aren't "real". The strange thing is that works against you in subgenres of music and entertainment like hip-hop, rock, independent movies, etc. but that's a different topic for a different day.

Why isn't it a good thing to cheer for Tiger when he's on the golf course? Just because he cheated on his wife? How does that effect his game or your joy of watching it? To me, the only thing that his cheating has interfered with is if someone was a huge fan of celebrity marriages. On Thanksgiving I didn't care about Tiger's marriage and I don't care now. I just want to see him crush a golf ball.

BTW, I'm really interested in hearing your opinion because I don't care about this story at all and feel like I'm missing something.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

Good point. I think once you become famous you give up your freedom to speak your mind. Especially if it could effect your bottom line. I think your better off just flying under radar.

I'm interested in the story probably because it is such a train wreck. I NEVER believe celebrities are perfect. They live in a world we will never understand. And I think in the majority of the cases they are not faithful and their "marriage" is not real. So the fact that Tiger cheated doesn't surprise or disappoint. I think my interest stems from the fact that it's SO out of control.

That being said. I will continue to cheer for him as a golfer because he is one of the best ever. His off the course antics doesn't bother me.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I was interested because I know that you were such a big fan of the 90s Cowboys and they were such a debauched group of individuals, I wanted to hear how you balanced the two.

And you're right, it is so out-of-control, which is really the main story here. Tiger Woods fires people because they breathe too loud in front of the press. Any chink in his armor is immediately covered up and brushed aside. He has 95% of the sports media in his hip pocket and most of the fans*.

* Do you know anyone who hates Tiger Woods? I mean, really hates Tiger Woods. Unless they're just being a contrarian or a jerk, most sports fans love Tiger Woods, which in itself is strange because we're so programmed to root for the underdog. And Tiger Woods is in our face constantly, you'd think that before this there would be a backlash, but there wasn't. Everyone loves the guy.

Where was I? Oh yeah, this is the first time that he's lost control or people have been able to peek behind the curtain and see that Tiger really isn't as bright and calculating as we originally thought. He's an idiot around women, just like we are. In a weird way, I wouldn't be surprised if this situation humanized him a bit more.

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I think I was a lot younger and kinda caught up in loving the Cowboys. But I have always avoided calling ballplayers role models or putting them on some pedestals. I would say the majority are screwing around etc.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I agree with that assessment.

Why do you think that it matters to people whether or not an athlete screws around? Isn't it immaterial to his performance on the court? Why do athletes and actors have to be model citizens as well as excellent at their crafts?

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I think because people feel like they know these people on a personal level. So they act as if they have some type of bond or something in common. So when they go out and act in a way they can't relate to they feel like they were betrayed.

From: Byron
To: Nick
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

I can buy that. Good observation.

And that's really the crux of the issue isn't: people feel betrayed because they think that they know these people, when in actuality they have no idea who they are what makes them tick. We see a dude like Dustin Pedroia for three hours a night 175+ nights a year and we think that we know how he is or in the very least we think that we know what he's like.

I can guarantee you that what we are "so sure" of what we know about Dustin Pedroia or whomever isn't reality at all. And when we find out about our reality, we're pretty bitter and distraught about it and that manifests into knocking a celebrity down a peg. I keep going back to it being strange that we are so fascinated by the private lives of public strangers.

BTW, I was thinking of using our exchange on my Blog. You ok with that?

From: Nick
To: Byron
Subject: Tiger's Press Conference Tomorrow?

Sure. Use away!

You and I should be given a radio talk show. We would rock.