That which does not kill me ...

Yes, I know this was due yesterday, but I was way too hung over to write anything, so I’m stealing a couple of minutes from work to write this out.

Saturday was a lot of fun, even if I don’t remember anything after 9:30. It all started at 11:30 when I met Ryan and Jay at Michael’s Harborside in Newburyport. Jay was getting ice for the big shabang and Rye was helping him. By the time I pulled up, they were done and wanted a drink.

We went upstairs and the bartender (who Jay knows pretty well, because he works there) made us each an Absolut and Red Bull. These weren’t the kind that we were drinking in Ireland (those were basically double shots and a full can of RB), these were in pint glasses and there was a ton of vodka in there.

After that we met up with the rest of the guys at my parents’ place. Archie, Fitz, Ed, Dan were already there (Archie gave me a fifth of whiskey) and Skaus, Brownie, Jamie and Byrnie ended up coming before we started out for golf. Also accompanying us were Bob, Uncle Gene and dad. This was going to be quite an adventure.

We had a tee-time at 1:30 at Evergreen in Newburyport, and the course looked beat to crap … which is not a big deal since we all pretty much suck. Ryan was the only one that didn’t golf, he just drove the cart around slamming into mine and Archie’s ride. I think that I shot a 62, but since I haven’t played since May of last year, I’m not too sad about that. And to be truthful, by the time the fourth hole came around, I was hitting longer and straighter.

We pounded some beers on the course and by about 3:30 we were on our way back to my folks. That’s when the drinking began, Jay did a hell of a job getting beers and food and by the time we got started with Wiffle ball, Roy showed up. Like usual, Wiffle ball was a lot of fun. We had sort of a round-robin tournament where everyone played.

But the playing isn’t the fun part, it’s the drinking and razzing the other guy that’s the good time. Telling Ryan or Jay that I own them after I strike one of them out, or them pointing and grandstanding after they hit a dinger … that’s what it’s all about. It was like being in college again. We had our brews, burgers and Wiffle ball. I think that everyone really enjoyed themselves.

At about 8, the limo showed up. We loaded a cooler in the back (Jay bought about 200 beers) and all 11 of us jammed in to the back (Andrew showed up around 6, which was really cool of him) and we made our way to Portsmouth. The first place that we stopped off was the Red Hook Brewery. I had never been there before, so it was cool to finally see what the place was like. Also, their beer isn’t too bad.

The only that sort of sucked is that was dead, so I nabbed a pint glass (BTW, I have no idea where it is now) and we headed to the Gas Light in downtown Portsmouth. This is my New Hampshire Waterloo.

It all started out pretty good, we made our way in, there was a cover band that was that bad and I ordered a beer. Then Brownie got me a shot of tequila. Here’s an aside that I don’t think too many people know, I can’t do hard alcohol any more, the old body just can’t take it, but if I do imbibe the hard stuff it’s usually scotch of vodka. There are three kinds of hard alcohol that ruins me: tequila, Jaeggermeister and Jameson. Please keep that in mind.

Then Jay and I started to walk around and we met these two chicks, one wasn’t too bad looking, the other was beat. When Jay and I are out, we start lying to girls just to do it. When we were in Cancun a few years ago, we had a bit where we’d tell chicks that I’d won the trip on the Price is Right. We play off each other very well. Saturday night, Jay and I were in the business of real estate. What did we do in real estate? “We speculate on a property, we buy it and then turn around and make a sale. We’re both very rich.”

The uglier one said I looked like Carson Daly (which I haven’t in a long time), but then they started to get annoying so we left. Byrnie grabbed me and bought me a shot, it had Jaeggermeister and Malibu rum. That’s two shots and they each had my liquid kryptonite.

After that we sort of hung around and I could tell I was getting drunker. As the night progressed Brownie grabbed me and told me I had to go see someone. It was Jesse Welch and his sister Vanessa. I haven’t seen Jesse in about five years, we were really close in high school but some stuff happened afterwards that split my group of friends up. The last time I saw Vanessa was on a plane flight to Vegas.

It was surreal. We started chatting and going on about old times and that’s when I lose track of what exactly happened next. I spoke to Skaus this morning and he said that I had two more shots, a kamikaze and a shot of Jameson (strike three). I guess I made it back to the limo and passed out. Before my face hit the seat I noticed that Jay was next to me, which was a good thing because I started puking my guts out. Luckily he heard me gurgling and was able to get my head out the door. No damage done.

Jay, being the great brother that he is, got the driver to take me back to Amesbury and put me to bed at about 11:30 or so. Then he drove back to the bar, picked up the rest of the guys and they partied into the night while I was passed out. I was bummed that I didn’t stay out later, but at the same time I was all done.

And there were a lot of shenanigans, Ryan wrestled Byrnie and got his ass kicked, then he went for Brownie and they destroyed Jay’s computer desk. Ed, Fitz, Skaus and Dan went home, but everyone else partied like they were in college, which was great to hear.

Another good thing to hear is that I don’t have any kidney stones. I went for my tests on Friday and according to initial reports, I’m free and clear.